My New Speed

I have reached a new, strange place in my life. I am no longer looking forward to anything. I am no longer interested in anything either. I have come to an almost complete standstill. And yet, I am still alive. I am still living and going through the motions of my life.

My mind is almost completely devoid of thought, and my body rarely takes action. I am floating in the ether of reality.

It is an interesting and new place to be.

It is always a new and interesting place to be. I am always growing and evolving and learning and expanding.

But right now, it merely seems that I am floating.

Free of tethers and all expectations.

Why am I this way?

I have slowed down considerably. I do things with a deliberateness that I used never to employ. I am careful. Not wary, but full of care.

Even my typing and writing have slowed considerably. I do not type at a mad man's speed anymore, I merely write the words as they come.

I enjoy listening to music. I enjoy creating music.

I have been trying to write a book for the last 35 years. I have been unsuccessful. I am either not ready yet to write my book, or not qualified to write any book. I have become accepting of both possible scenarios. Only time will tell which one is accurate.

So this is my new speed. Slow. Deliberate. Careful.

I don't understand all the factors that have contributed to my new style, and I don't really care to.

I don't really care to do anything.

This all sounds rather depressing, but I don't think that it is. It is just new, and it is just reality. Taking things at face value. Not applying any spin to anything.

How can the slowness of this pace, the glacial meandering and expanding of my life, be part of this rapidly changing and moving 21st century?

I am behind the times, but I left the times behind long ago.

I am at once ahead of, behind and with the steady growth and expansion of the universe.

Best to be with it.

Best to be part of it. Best to be enjoying myself.