Something More

Here I sit again waiting to create something, even while I am creating it. For some reason the perspiration doesn't seem as real as the inspiration, but at the same time, the perspiration is real in a different way.

Here is what I mean: When I sit down to write something, and I have no idea what to write, it is clear that I am forcing the issue. It is clear that I am only working toward the end of having written something at all. But that goal is clear cut and positive, because that is the only goal I can really have. If I sat down to write something profound, I may never write anything. So I leave the goal at seven hundred fifty words and try to write that many, come what may.

When I sit to write I am not visited by inspiration. Inspiration comes and goes. Perspiration is readily available at all times. I can always work. I can always write about nonsense at any time of the day or night. I can always move forward with the work. I can always push ahead in the writing.

Inspiration versus perspiration, which is more important? For me it is the perspiration, the act of writing at all, the act of creating something from nothing and letting the words flow onto the page. Inspiration helps greatly to produce more focused, cohesive and profound writing.

But at the same time, with dogged determination, it is possible to write something focused and cohesive, if not profound.

What is profundity anyway? Is it worth the time to try to get to the profound or at least the interesting? Yes. It is worth the time and the effort. But there is no guarantee I will actually get there when I sit down to write. That is okay. I say I would be content with not writing anything profound for the rest of my life. I think I would still write. I think I would still sit and write with perspiration dripping down my neck as I dive headlong into the next sentence.

Right there was a bit of inspiration. See? It comes visiting when I least expect it to. To me, inspiration is a sense of knowing what to say next, before I have even really thought it through completely. It is an extension of the primal spirit. Does such a thing exist, the primal spirit? I don't know. I am just making this up.

And see? The inspiration can leave just as fast as it came. There is no rhyme or reason to it at this point, but what I would like to do over the next few pages is to see if I can find inspiration's heartbeat and understand what leads it to stop by and visit for a while, what causes inspiration to visit, and what causes it to leave.

I know a bit about what causes it to leave: attention to it, inspiration itself, and not the work at hand. For me, inspiration comes along side me and works with me on whatever I am trying to accomplish. When I notice inspiration is there, it seems to glance at me and say "Now you know I am here, you don't need me anymore, or at least you think you don't. I will go on my way now."

And that is when inspiration glides away and leaves me to the work again, and it becomes more of a chore, more of a drudgery to actually get through. But again, I think I would be okay with the drudgery. For it's still writing after all, and that is quite enjoyable!

Onto the more exciting and provocative idea though, onto what causes inspiration to come at all, and when it does, what causes it to stay alongside me as I create something new?

What causes inspiration to visit is partially a sense of selflessness. It is not me, the person, the human, the great I, doing the work, it just so happens that I am working and trying to get something out. The less self-aware I am about it, the better. The more I can stay focused on the work, the more inspiration has a chance to come alongside the work and the working and send out a few positive vibes of energy toward me and the work.

Some people refer to this state as flow. A person is in flow when time ceases to exist, and there is just the work and the worker. But in reality, I think the worker disappears as well, and there is only the work left. That is flow. That is the visitation of inspiration. The worker and the self-consciousness that seems to inhabit every moment of our lives just dissolves and there is only the task before us.

I tend to get caught up in nuances and distracted by different things. Right now I have lost the path of inspiration again because I got side tracked, or rather, I sidetracked myself. I went off on a tangent about getting caught up in nuances. That is okay. It is a learning process. It is a learning process to understand how inspiration and perspiration work together to create flow, and how being in a state of flow can be the most productive state there is.

Two forks to follow: 1. Getting caught up in nuances 2. Being productive.

1. I got caught up in a nuance, and really I should replace the word nuance with detail or something like it. I get caught up in details that don't effect the entire over arching theme of what I am trying to write about. The detail that caught my attention at the end of the paragraph about the perspiration and the worker just dissolving was that maybe I wasn't defining flow in the correct way. Who cares?

2. Being productive is all the rage. The more I can get done, the more valuable I am. The more valuable I am, the more I can earn. The more I can earn, the better off I'll be. The better off I am, the more I can tend to my friends, family and hobbies. The more I can tend to my friends, family and hobbies, the happier I will be. So does being more productive make me happier?

I don't know the answer to that question. I have been kicking around the idea that it may not be the best thing to constantly improve yourself. I think I am just at a new comfortable stage with myself, and I am enjoying it, and taking the time to accept what is reality and what is new and true for me at this given time.

So, this has gone all over. But now I am coming back to perspiration. Some of what I have written today was inspired writing. I won't say it was profound, but it was definitely inspired, meaning, I felt inspired as I was writing it.

I never would have reached that inspired opportunity if I had not first decided that I would accept a full day's worth of writing that only consisted of nonsense, doggedly written down by the sweat of my brow. So in order to find inspiration, I have to show up and be willing to suck. I have to be willing to not make sense. I have to be okay with the fact that I won't make it past the level of hack at any time, past, present or future. I am okay with that. And because I am okay with that, I stand a chance to be a hack. Or maybe even something more.