There is energy here. There is energy there. What will I do next?
I read the book Art and Fear, and it was pretty good. I prefer Steven Pressfield's The War of Art, but I can appreciate much of what was stated in Art and Fear. There is something to be said about moving past the fear we have when it comes to art. It can be the fear of sharing, or it can be the fear of creating as well. There is so much fear, it is hard to quantify and qualify.
But at the end of the day what matters most to me is if I created or not. Yesterday I did not create. And I regret that. Not something I will be concerned about on my death bed, but something I am concerned about today.
And why didn't I create yesterday? Well, for starters I slept in until two in the afternoon. That was a remarkable feat of selfishness. But I guess I needed it? No, I don't think anyone needs over twelve hours of sleep. I guess I wanted it. And if I wanted over twelve hours of sleep, what does that say about me?
I will leave that question unanswered. At least on here. At least for now.
Not ready to reveal all that much right now. Not sure exactly what I would be revealing except for my motivations and inner workings. There is self-censorship at play here. Is that right? Is it right to censor myself as I write? Is it wrong? I don't know the answer to that.
That is okay though. What is important is that I continue to move my fingers across the keyboard, continue to type and experience things, censored or not.
So I did not create yesterday.... I should amend that a little bit, because I did create, if only a small amount, toward the book I will be forever writing. But I didn't count that, because I didn't publish it. I guess when I say, did I create, I really mean, did I share? Did I publish? Did I make something worth someone else's time? I didn't yesterday. And I can't say today that I did it either. But at least today I wrote something down that I intended to share, that I intended to publish.
And here it is, warts and all.
Now what is next? What comes after the fulfillment of the seven hundred fifty words that I have decided I want to type on my blog? What comes next?
What comes next is sharing the ideas, sharing the thoughts, sharing the excitement that wells up in my heart whenever I think about writing or creating music or art. What do I want to do? What do I want to do with myself?
I want to continue.
I want to carry on.
I want to move along the road.
I want to be seen.
I don't want to be stopped.
I want to live.
I want to love.
And so I will and I will and I will. What I have created today is nothing for the record books, but I am not writing for the record books, I am writing for you. And for myself. And I am trying my best to do right by us. I am trying my best to share and let myself be known to others, while learning about myself.
I am learning as I go. I am writing as I learn. It all happens at the same time. It is one and the same. This writing, this learning, this living, this loving, it all happens at once, there is no end to one and the beginning of another.
It is the wheel. The Wheel of Time. Haha.
In the meantime I will continue to write, and "continue to continue to pretend my life will never end."
What is next? What comes next?
A bunch of words, 'cause I haven't reached the limit yet. I haven't reached the end. I should keep that in mind in the future, reaching the end, and not reaching the end, and not reaching the end.
There is a circle that we all are a part of; we are each in, on or around it. It is part of us, and we are a part of it.
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