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Showing posts with label Health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Health. Show all posts

Ratatouille and Achieving Your Dreams

I didn't eat very well today, and am out of my points already at 4:15 pm.

I still have a long night ahead of me, but maybe I will keep within my points.

Well, I didn't keep within my points, but I only went into my weekly points by about 6 points. Not bad considering... oh, right, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about.

Let me explain.

Two weeks ago I started doing Weight Watchers, with a goal of losing 60+ pounds before sometime in the future.

So far I have lost about four pounds.

Better than nothing.

But that is why I am talking about points and going over my points and whatnot.



I am laying here writing this as my son and wife are watching Ratatouille.

Ratatouille is a good movie. I would describe it's main theme as...
"Anyone can do anything."
I'm not sure that that is true in all cases, but I do believe that many people are capable of learning and teaching themselves whatever is required to fulfill their dreams.

So, why don't I believe that is true for myself?

Why don't I believe that I, too, am capable of achieving my dreams?

I don't know the real reason behind that negative form of thinking and self-reflection.

I can guess that it is something that I told to myself over and over again over the course of many years in order to come to the point where I believe it to be true.
"Self-delusion is the most dangerous and pervasive form of sabotage."
 The movie takes a bit of a different view on it, as in the quote below:
"Not everyone can become a great artist; but a great artist can come from anywhere. " - Anton Ego, Ratatouille
I will never be a great artist.

But I can continue to do what I do as well as I can do it.

And that will make all the difference in my life.

Weight Loss, Reading, Writing and Exercise

I have been overweight for 18 years. Half of my life.

And it basically is because I stopped taking care of myself, stopped exercising, started eating copious amounts of unhealthy foods.

And now I am paying for it.

I have complex sleep apnea and high cholesterol, and I am tired all the time and aside from the normal feeling of not being proud of my body, the fact that I am overweight coupled with the sleep apnea is affecting my mood.

And that's not good.

Because I also have bipolar disorder. It's well controlled, and that is fine and good that it is being taken care of through medication and therapy, but now my weight is affecting my mood and could tip me toward depression or mania? Not good.

So, I am going to do something about it.

Before I found out that I have complex sleep apnea (I found that out today, by the way), I had already started Weight Watchers with my wife a couple of weeks ago.

But I wasn't taking it all that seriously, though I was trying to stick to the points.

Well, now I am going to take it more seriously.

Central/Complex sleep apnea may not be fixed through a breathing machine. Losing a drastic amount of weight, whether or not it is done quickly or over time, may be my best bet to get out from under this mood altering weight issue.

And exercise. That too is important. Something I am not really looking forward to, but also something that I know that I have to do. I have exercised in short bursts for a while in the past, but it has been another 18 years since I exercised intensely on the reg.

So what am I going to do?


  1. I am going to eat copious amounts of vegetables and fruits while my stomach readjusts to being a normal size.
  2. I am going to stay within my points on Weight Watchers, and not use up any weekly points.
  3. I am going to exercise by walking or running at least 15,000 steps per day.
  4. I am going to keep this journal, this log, this running commentary of what life is like on a diet, through weight loss, and how my health is actually doing.
A healthy blog.

And for the first time ever, I am not going to try to make any money from it.

I am just going to write, and put the writing out there, and let it go.

A gift. From me to you.

The Gift by Lewis Hyde - A book I just started, and will be reading at some point.

But I am not into reading right now.

Why am I not into reading?

Because I have discovered that I need to focus on one thing at a time in order to make any progress on anything. And that one thing that I am going to focus on right now, is weight loss.

I am a little against what I am actually doing right now, this writing while laying on my belly in the living room. I am against it because it is not exercising. But it is avoiding eating. That is almost as well as exercising.

I suppose that avoiding eating is as important as exercising. Both will do the same thing, which is result in reduced weight on the body.

I am not talking about avoiding eating to the point of anorexia, just avoiding stuffing my face when I am bored or stressed.

This writing will keep me interested in something other than eating. And so I will do it, and allow it to be done.

And I guess that is all I wanted to express at this time, just wanted to write something. Consider it done.


What I Want Out of Life

I started this post a while ago, and it didn't quite seem like the time to post it just yet. Now is the time, I suppose.

This post states what I want out of life. 

First though, let me say that I already have a lot. 

I have a loving family, amazing kids, a wonderful wife, an amazing extended family, and generally speaking a whole lot of love. I have a great job, a career I can grow into, money to pay the bills, a wonderful home, and two cars that run like champs. 

I have more than I could ever ask for, to be honest. 

Maybe I don't need to write this post after all...


It's the season of Thanksgiving. I have a whole hell of a lot to be thankful for. 

Some of those things I am thankful for are listed above. Others are larger. Like the opportunity to wake up today. Others are smaller. Like the feeling I have when I take a deep breath of fresh air. And then there are all the things in between all the highlights and the low-lights of living life on this planet.

I am truly grateful for each moment I have the opportunity to be alive.

So, I am truly grateful for everything.

Being grateful doesn't mean I cannot strive for more.

I have decided a few things lately. I have started to define what it is that I want from my life, that I don't already have.

They are simple but large things, and there are only four.

1. I want to make a living from my creative activity.
2. I want to be physically fit and healthy. 
3. I want to be completely debt free.
4. I want to own a beach house.

Those are the four things that I want out of life, that I don't already have. If I never accomplished any of them, I would still lead a good and satisfying life. But why not go for the gold? Why not try and get that which I may be able to attain? Why not set goals and work toward them?

In coming up with reasons for why I should improve myself, I still have only one: because I can. 

The only reason that I want to improve myself is because I can.

Eventually, I will need to have a more passionate and energetic reason behind self-improvement. But for now, just that one reason will suffice.

What are the things that you are grateful for?

What are the things that you are striving for?

Happiness: A Way of Life

We All Want to Be Happy


We all want to be happy. In one way or another, we all want to experience happiness and joy through all the events in our lives. Happiness is something we all want to experience. Happiness exists as something we all can experience, and we all can sustain happiness throughout our lives. Being happy and experiencing happiness is the way we all can reach our highest potential for ourselves and the universe.

What does happiness mean? Happiness means experiencing the state of being happy. What does it mean to be happy? To be happy means to show pleasure and contentment. To show it. Not just to experience it, but to show happiness as part of the way we live our lives. One way we can show happiness is to share the fact that we are happy with others.

Sharing gets back to the root for me, for in sharing the inner state we have, we are able to expand on its ability to create change in others. Are we out to change others? Are we out to expand our own horizons, and create happiness everywhere we go? Yes. We all want to be happy. Let's share it.

How to Be Happy


To be happy is more than just putting on a front of a positive attitude toward the experiences and tribulations of life. A positive outlook can and will contribute toward our happiness, but positivity alone cannot make you a happy person.

Happiness must come from within. Happiness is a state of mind. Not a physical state we can just enter into, but a mental state from which we can operate and enjoy life's pleasures and deal with life's troubles.

So how can you be happy? How do we get ourselves into this mental state of happiness? It sounds too simple to be true, but we just create it and enter into it. We decide to be happy, and we make it happen. It takes practice, but that is why we are given the gift of moment to moment living, in order to practice stepping into happiness.

Happiness is a state of mind. We are capable of entering that state of mind at any time. Unfortunately, we forget how simple the formula for happiness is (create happiness, and enter into it) and so start searching for things outside of ourselves in order to make us happy. But really, happiness is within each of us, and is a state of mind we can enter into at any time.

How to Create Happiness (in Others and Yourself)


Can we create a positive emotion or a state of consciousness in others? I think it is possible to encourage a different state of mind in others, but that the person must enter into that state of their own accord. However, by setting the stage for others to be happy, we make it easier for them to step over the threshold of happiness and experience the joy of being.

So how can we set the stage for others to be happy? 

Give

By giving. By giving ourselves to others.

Be Grateful

By being grateful. By being grateful for what others give to us.

Share

By sharing. By sharing what we have to offer with those we love and the world.

Through giving and sharing our own happiness and other positive emotions and experiences, and being grateful for the opportunity to share, give and receive from others, we are able to create more opportunity for happiness in others.

Reaching the Zen(ith) of Happiness (Or How to Smile)


So if happiness is a state of mind, we need to be able to enter that state at will, anytime we like, so that we can be happy at a moment's notice. Ideally we would maintain our happy outlook and demeanor at all times. This is difficult to do. As said before, it takes practice. But to practice it is just as easy as learning to ride a bike. Be happy. Repeat. Just be happy. There is so much that life has to offer all of us, so much that we can do, wouldn't you rather be happy doing it? There is so much opportunity in the world for us to experience happiness, because every single moment holds the secret to our happiness! We don't have to wait for anything to come to us, or until this or that is accomplished, we can choose to be happy now.

What will you choose?

Where will you go to learn more?

For starters, smile!

By smiling, you trick your mind into believing you are happy. A real smile creases the eyes, but a mouth only smile can get you started. Give it a try! Try it with those you love. Try your smile out in public, especially at this time of year.  

Look in the mirror and test out your smile. Then share it with others.

Don't worry. Be happy. Then share it with others.




Relaxation

How do I enter into complete relaxation? It begins with posture. Prone is best for me, on my stomach, eyes closed. Then begin breathing, deeply through the mouth then out through the mouth. For better or worse I am a mouth breather. Oh well. 

Once the posture is right, then I envision all thoughts and emotions as objects. I prefer cars or motorcycles. The thoughts just stream by me, I do not have to interact with them at all. I am sitting on the side of the road, waiting for the bus. The cars and motorcycles and trucks that lumber past pay me no notice, and I don’t pay any attention to them either.

I am completely relaxed. Now what?

Now what do I do? I have achieved relaxation state. Ah, yes, now I try to just stay here as long as possible. Remain in a relaxed frame of mind for as long as possible. Laugh. Laugh when I am relaxed, it opens up happy pathways in my brain.

Happy pathways are good for my soul. And for my body.

Creating with Bipolar Disorder

Staring at a blank page, I am up against the idea that I am really just fooling myself, that I really don't have anything creative to say after all my longing, wishing, talking and hoping.

Sometimes I feel defeated before I have even begun. But that won't stop me from creating something, working at something, even if it is just this nonsense here. How self-deprecating and dismissive of me, I should have not been so mean there. This is not nonsense, this is writing, and even though it may be bad writing, it is my writing, and so this is the place where it goes. It is okay to write badly and to publish here and now regardless of the success of the work.

Creating is something that happens naturally when I sit down to do it. The writing flows normally, though the topics addressed are rarely focused on one thing or another for very long. The ideas are flowing. I see writing as therapy for me. It is something I do almost compulsively, to get ideas down on the page, to set forth my goals and ambitions. To define myself in a way I had not done before.

And by defining myself, I get to know myself better. By getting to know myself better, I am better able to navigate life. I can surf through the current without running into the rocks, or at least be able to bounce off of them safely when I come upon one.

I want to be a writer. What I am finding is that I want the writer's life, but I don't necessarily want to put in the work to get there. That is hard to admit, but it is the truth. I am lazy. I procrastinate often.

Being honest with myself is something that gets me closer to where I want to be as well, even if the truth hurts. I can take the time to be honest with myself and understand that what I learn might hurt a bit. But it is better to know than to not know.

The unexamined life is not worth living.  -Socrates

So I am examining my life, and some of the things I find may be unpleasant. I am willing to go there. I am willing to unearth whatever needs to be turned over and let into the air.

But back to creating and the act of creation.... It is important to know that I do have a desire to create. It is intertwined with my DNA, part of who I am. I just need to do it more often. I have to allow myself the time and energy to create, because I also believe that what I want to create is worth the time and energy. It is worth it to myself, and I think it may be worth it to others in the short or long term.

At least that is what I think right now, and why I started this blog, to show that someone can go from point A to point Z, not in a straight line, but in a curve, an arc.

My understanding of life is one of creation and improvement and change. So first I must master myself and learn how to change as often and deeply as necessary.

The measure of intelligence is the ability to change. -Albert Einstein

Over the past year and a half many things about me have changed, both inadvertently and by design. A year and a half ago I experienced a major manic episode, was hospitalized and diagnosed with bipolar disorder. That was a drastic change to my psyche and my life. Through that experience, I have come to know myself a lot more, and have tried to live my life more true to myself. But I am still fearful at times, still discovering myself, and I still have a lot to learn. I am willing to share these thoughts and others so that readers will be encouraged that they are not alone in their fight for change or self discovery or life in general.

We are all working hard at going somewhere, whether inadvertently or by design. Do we know where we are headed? Do we stop to think about the destination and change direction when necessary?

I had a major speed bump in my life and was given the opportunity to see the big picture, what is most important to myself and my family. The universe worked something out for me that was unique to me and my situation, and I am grateful for the opportunity, though it was difficult to get through at the time.

So now I am faced with the things that I want to change about myself, and finding the ways and means to actually change them. I don't want to be lazy anymore. I don't want to procrastinate my life away. I want to be a part of life and living it to the fullest.

This morning I got up early (on a Saturday) and decided to write. That was a good decision, though I don't know how often I will be able to actually do that. It doesn't really matter; what does matter is that I am doing it right now, in the present, and that is all I can control.

“Be here now.” ― Ram Dass, Be Here Now

Getting Healthy

To get healthy there are a ton of things to do.
There are lists and lists of exercise fads and fables, things that are supposed to work and things that will make you thinner skinnier etc. The goal is not to lose fat. The goal is to have a fit and active lifestyle.
To have energy for every part of my day and night, to have more than enough energy to do whatever it is that I want to do with my time. I am on board the idea that I can be a part of that life and that lifestyle. Parts of it I want no part of, but the benefits I see are really there, can really be true, can really be me. I want the energy back. I want to feel energized all the time. I want to wake up in the morning before my alarm goes off. I want to fall asleep at night as soon as my head hits the pillow, but not even feel a bit tired before then.
Or maybe I could take small naps. I have done that before, a small power nap on different days. They really did help. They got the juices realigned in a way that was beneficial for me.
What am I learning now? That being healthy is more than just working out. That being healthy comes back to the idea of what I am eating. I can put unhealthy food in my body. I can put unhealthy drinks in my system. I can breathe in harmful smoke and vapors. But I can also just decide to be a part of life and the life cycle and eat the good things that are there, the good things that are available to me. That is what is important. Being healthy is not a comparison chart.
What I want to learn is how to be my most healthy self. And to do that I need to get out of my own way, and start exercising. I know that my body is athletic under all this flab, and I just need to get in touch with it. I just need to experience it and become one with it, to understand it and work with it and be around it as much as I possibly can. That is the first portion of my healthy lifestyle. To become one with the movement and energy flow of my body. Allow it to rediscover itself. That is important. I once had amazing jumping abilities and could jump over picket fences in two steps. I lost that when I started eating Cheeze-Its by the box and watching Batman the Animated series instead of running track in high school. That was a tipping point for me to become more acquainted with my mind than my body. I was part of my mind more often than not.
By becoming identified with my mind I became self conscious. I became interested in myself as a human, what I could offer myself, family and the world, and I thought it was all cerebral. And so I lost touch with my body. I thought that the body didn’t matter, that it only mattered what was going on between my ears.
That is not the case. What goes on between my ears still matters, but what goes on in my body is important as well.
Spirit Mind Body - a full balance makes a wonderful human.
To align all three successfully takes trial and error and experimentation, but the stage can be set by others. I don’t have to learn alone. I can pick up where others left off and work to find my own balance. I can work to find a balance in my life like no other balance I have had before. Finally there are three pillars, and I can balance the stool of my life on the top equally and have a firm seat.
I will work to get back to that state with my physical body as well. Allow my physical body to be pummelled back into working order, then we can start looking into the idea that there is something beneficial in balancing the mind body and spirit. I thought last night that my spirit alone needed to be strong, but I finally realize that balance is the key to living a full human life. To balance my mind - the thoughts that I have, the problems it is able to solve, the work it is capable of - my spirit - the being that I am, my life force and energy - my body - my physical structure from which I operate my mind and spirit.
Getting all of those aligned will help me greatly on the journey of life. It is not something that happens overnight. I continually need to remind myself that. It is something that will happen by incremental improvement. Something that will not happen necessarily, but become. I will become more balanced among the three pillars of my life and through that balancing will find new ways to relate to all the people around me which will bring amazing experiences into my life.
Become balanced. My spirit needs a chance to stretch it’s muscles. Now that I see what it is capable of, I am happy. I was happy all along, but I had covered up my happiness with other things, so that I was searching for something that wasn’t really missing. It was happiness, and now I am all about it.
The experience of my life will be the reawakening of my body. The toning of my muscles. The elimination of fat from my body. My diet becoming better and more healthy. There being a desire to work my body and make it stronger and more flexible. A desire to push the limits of my physical body so that I can better know myself and the world.
A balance will be struck, but first I must really whip the body into shape. Maybe that is not the best idea. Perhaps if I whipped the body into shape, or at least started out trying to do that I really wouldn’t succeed but would only find myself giving up. Better not to set myself up for failure. I have set the stage, now I just need to baby step my way to success. To do that, it is important to just understand that I need to take baby steps all the time. It is okay if I only do two reps at the gym. It is okay if I only do one lap in the pool. Whatever. Do something. Do more than nothing.
But don’t let yourself fall back. Don’t fall off the starting block before the race has even begun. Get in there and start swimming as hard as you can for the other side, but don’t go so fast that you run out of steam. How will you know when you will run out of steam if you don’t push yourself as much as possible? How will you know what your limits are if you don’t test them? Push yourself to the limits of the finite and the possible and see what is there.
Hone your eating skills to a razor sharp edge. There is magic in there. Make it happen. There is magic in those eating skills make them be perfect and great.

Exercise and the Spirit

Yesterday I touched on what's for breakfast, and how I lack the desire to exercise, and have difficulty controlling what I eat.

Last night we ordered from two take out places (see below) because it was Friday, and we couldn't all agree on one place to eat.

I got chinese, and my fortune from the fortune cookie was particularly interesting....

"To exercise the body is to purify the soul."

If I choose to believe that statement is true (which I do) I have achieved the wanting to exercise that I didn't have before. I will substitute spirit for soul and say to myself, to exercise the body is to purify the spirit. I want to purify my spirit. So, by some mathematical property used on that statement, I want to exercise my body.

IF 
     (to exercise the body = to purify the spirit)
AND
     (I want to purify the spirit)
THEN
     (I want to exercise the body)

So I exercised this morning. It was just a short walk around a few blocks, but it was more than I did before, and it felt good to do it, even though I had to do a #2 the whole time which made it a bit uncomfortable. (Note to self - take care of business before exercising - something a good friend once taught me which I had forgotten).

Now that I want to exercise, I just have to maintain and increase. Those are achievable goals if left open and undefined. I don't have to maintain X or increase by a factor of Y, just maintain and increase. I like open ended goals (something another good friend just talked with me about yesterday).

So, I am just left with eating "right" or better, trying to minimize the amount of unhealthy food I consume, and limit my portions. Well, I didn't limit my portions last night, and I don't know how good this food is for me, but it was all delicious. Baby steps. Here's what we ordered:

Golden Chopsticks - Chinese American
  • House Mei Fun - Extra Spicy 
    • Add Old Bay to the top of this dish for the best Chinese American cuisine I have ever eaten
  • Large Plain Lo Mein
    • The kids love the plain lo mein, and it can be reheated for lunches, so we get the large
  • Small Plain Fried Rice
    • The kids didn't go for this, this time at least
Ray's Pizzeria - Italian American
  • Ranch Fries
    • You know, the good ones with bacon, cheese, and a vat of ranch on the side
  • Boneless Wings - Barbecue
    • These came with blue cheese and celery which was actually a good combination with the barbecue
  • Chicken Finger Platter
    • For the kids
I've got half the battle mentally won, I am just left now with making the thought process a reality (get out and exercise). I will continue to work on the healthy eating process, I know Produce Junction will play a big part in that. Or maybe the Farmer's Market. Anyway, may my fortune also go with you.

"To exercise the body is to purify the spirit." .... in bed.

Better get to it ;)

What's For Breakfast?

You know that cookie crumble that it is in the center of Dairy Queen ice cream cakes? I want a bowl of that for breakfast, with whole milk and sausage on the side.

No, self, no. I mean I want a kale shake.

Exercise: is it all it is cracked up to be? Probably. Does that make me want to do it? No.

What would make me want to exercise?

Can I make me want anything?

Or do I just want it inherently?

If I want a healthy lifestyle, will I want to make sacrifices to get it? I won't want to, but I will be willing to.

So, I will sacrifice my bowl of cookie crumble. An offering to the gods of healthy living.

But I will still eat the sausage. Maybe the milk too. Baby steps.