Ratatouille and Achieving Your Dreams

I didn't eat very well today, and am out of my points already at 4:15 pm.

I still have a long night ahead of me, but maybe I will keep within my points.

Well, I didn't keep within my points, but I only went into my weekly points by about 6 points. Not bad considering... oh, right, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about.

Let me explain.

Two weeks ago I started doing Weight Watchers, with a goal of losing 60+ pounds before sometime in the future.

So far I have lost about four pounds.

Better than nothing.

But that is why I am talking about points and going over my points and whatnot.

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I am laying here writing this as my son and wife are watching Ratatouille.

Ratatouille is a good movie. I would describe it's main theme as...

"Anyone can do anything."

I'm not sure that that is true in all cases, but I do believe that many people are capable of learning and teaching themselves whatever is required to fulfill their dreams.

So, why don't I believe that is true for myself?

Why don't I believe that I, too, am capable of achieving my dreams?

I don't know the real reason behind that negative form of thinking and self-reflection.

I can guess that it is something that I told to myself over and over again over the course of many years in order to come to the point where I believe it to be true.

"Self-delusion is the most dangerous and pervasive form of sabotage."

 The movie takes a bit of a different view on it, as in the quote below:

"Not everyone can become a great artist; but a great artist can come from anywhere. " - Anton Ego, Ratatouille

I will never be a great artist.

But I can continue to do what I do as well as I can do it.

And that will make all the difference in my life.

Weight Loss, Reading, Writing and Exercise

I have been overweight for 18 years. Half of my life.

And it basically is because I stopped taking care of myself, stopped exercising, started eating copious amounts of unhealthy foods.

And now I am paying for it.

I have complex sleep apnea and high cholesterol, and I am tired all the time and aside from the normal feeling of not being proud of my body, the fact that I am overweight coupled with the sleep apnea is affecting my mood.

And that's not good.

Because I also have bipolar disorder. It's well controlled, and that is fine and good that it is being taken care of through medication and therapy, but now my weight is affecting my mood and could tip me toward depression or mania? Not good.

So, I am going to do something about it.

Before I found out that I have complex sleep apnea (I found that out today, by the way), I had already started Weight Watchers with my wife a couple of weeks ago.

But I wasn't taking it all that seriously, though I was trying to stick to the points.

Well, now I am going to take it more seriously.

Central/Complex sleep apnea may not be fixed through a breathing machine. Losing a drastic amount of weight, whether or not it is done quickly or over time, may be my best bet to get out from under this mood altering weight issue.

And exercise. That too is important. Something I am not really looking forward to, but also something that I know that I have to do. I have exercised in short bursts for a while in the past, but it has been another 18 years since I exercised intensely on the reg.

So what am I going to do?

1. I am going to eat copious amounts of vegetables and fruits while my stomach readjusts to being a normal size.
2. I am going to stay within my points on Weight Watchers, and not use up any weekly points.
3. I am going to exercise by walking or running at least 15,000 steps per day.
4. I am going to keep this journal, this log, this running commentary of what life is like on a diet, through weight loss, and how my health is actually doing.

A healthy blog.

And for the first time ever, I am not going to try to make any money from it.

I am just going to write, and put the writing out there, and let it go.

A gift. From me to you.

The Gift by Lewis Hyde - A book I just started, and will be reading at some point.

But I am not into reading right now.

Why am I not into reading?

Because I have discovered that I need to focus on one thing at a time in order to make any progress on anything. And that one thing that I am going to focus on right now, is weight loss.

I am a little against what I am actually doing right now, this writing while laying on my belly in the living room. I am against it because it is not exercising. But it is avoiding eating. That is almost as well as exercising.

I suppose that avoiding eating is as important as exercising. Both will do the same thing, which is result in reduced weight on the body.

I am not talking about avoiding eating to the point of anorexia, just avoiding stuffing my face when I am bored or stressed.

This writing will keep me interested in something other than eating. And so I will do it, and allow it to be done.

And I guess that is all I wanted to express at this time, just wanted to write something. Consider it done.