Resistance to life and living stems from a desire to be anywhere but in the now. Now presents us with the ability to be and do what we want and can. Sometimes we trade our now for our later. That is the essence of work defined in western society.
Work, especially at a job we do not like, is trading our now for our later of being able to do the things we want to do. It is a trade. I want to have my now be made up of all the things I enjoy doing at all times. Reading, writing, creating art, playing music, spending time with friends and family. That is what I want to do with all of my now.
I want to stop trading my now away for money. But I have to live. And so I think about creating in the now and trading those creations for money. But I want everyone to have an equal opportunity to enjoy my creations. And so I think about creating multiple versions of my products in order that they can sell and be free at the same time. What is the meaning of life? To love, enjoy, share, grow… and a fifth one I can’t remember.
Writing for me enables me to be completely present in what I am doing. Completely free of expectations about what I should or should not be or should or should not do. I am free when I write. I am free when I create, and so I need to do more of it. Hence, what I am doing right here, creating.
I have been experiencing inner resistance to what is recently. It is causing me to have inner turmoil that I would like to resolve. It is what it is. I can will and allow my life to change, incrementally, but I also need to will and allow my life to be as it is for now.
Only through allowing and willing my life to change will I get to where I want to be, but by allowing and willing my life to be, I can be happy in the now. It is what it is!
Now is where I live. I need to constantly practice presence and be where I am and understand that what I am and what I am doing are working toward the perfect union of life in this universe.
I don’t have to understand it. I just have to show up with energy and enthusiasm and get out of the way. What matters is that I take a part in what I do, take a part in what I am thinking and saying. Be a part of the world around me.
It doesn’t matter if I am feeling shitty, those are just feelings based on negative thinking. I need to get out of negative thought patterns, and I really have come a long way on that already. I am worthy. I approve of myself. I am enough. Those are thoughts I know are true for me. I no longer go down the road of negative self-talk, though occasionally I dip into it.
What I am learning by living is priceless to my growth. It is necessary for my growth. I am given a true opportunity to live and love and be among the world.
I don’t know if anybody else around me is awake. I don’t know if they are and it doesn’t really matter to my journey, though I would like to have company. I would like to have a partner or two I can talk ideas with, but the journey is one of my own.
To live the Tao is to allow and will at the same time. To be one with the dichotomy of the world. Beauty and ugliness together in one place, for one purpose, the joy of the universe.
I am working on connecting, but I need to connect as often as possible. There is much resistance in me that I need to remove and get out of the way, and the best way for me to do that is to create. Through creation I am washing away the resistance, I am breaking it down into manageable chunks and getting it out of the way.
The resistance is there, but resistance is futile. I will be making my way, through the strength and power of the universe to experience something more amazing than ever before experienced or felt. There is much to learn, much to do, much to see. I am part of all of it.
There in the world there is so much to understand and be a part of.
I am part of all of the world and I am part of all that there is to see in the world. The universe is in me, and I am in the universe.
I am so grateful and thankful for my life, even the parts I don’t like right now. I have been given an amazing opportunity to wake up and smell the roses, to understand what life is about, and I am taking that opportunity and will be making the most of it, even with my faults as a human being.
Perfection is the goal, even knowing that it will not be achieved. Like Sisyphus I will push and allow the universe to work through me to accomplish it’s goals. Assuming the universe even has goals. Maybe just a flowering is necessary.
A flowering of human consciousness. I am part of that. I dip in and out of it, but I am there, I am trying to be present, trying without trying. Doing without doing. Just being. Allowing myself to be in my most natural state, which for me is a state of reflection and creation.
Creation for the greater good of the entire universe.
Now the rub is that I am having a difficult time seeing that my creations at work are beneficial to the entire universe. In fact, at times I feel that they are detrimental to the entire universe. The philosophy behind lean and my new role seems to be in congruence with the greater good of the universe, in eliminating waste, but I see the application to the whole and can’t get on board with it.
The reason I can’t get on board with it resides in me. There is nothing outside of me that is creating the chasm between what I want to do and what I am doing. I am creating it. My ego? may be creating it. My ego thinks that it is not getting what it deserves and that is stifling my being. So perhaps in saying I deserve an abundant life I should actually be saying I don’t deserve anything. The universe works as it wills, and I am along for the ride.
I am here and creating and writing because the universe allows and wills it to be so, as do I.
I am still here for a reason. That reason is to create. It is very clear to me, never has a purpose in my life been so well defined.
So the only thing I have to do is create. That is what I am here for, so that is what I will do.
What are you here for?
What makes you wake up in the morning?
What keeps you going?
Creation and the act of creating do it for me. I need to do more of it. And so I will.
