Mountains and Molehills

There are mountains and there are molehills. Don't confuse the two.

Silent Night, Holy Night

Merry Christmas

Happiness: A Way of Life

We All Want to Be Happy

We all want to be happy. In one way or another, we all want to experience happiness and joy through all the events in our lives. Happiness is something we all want to experience. Happiness exists as something we all can experience, and we all can sustain happiness throughout our lives. Being happy and experiencing happiness is the way we all can reach our highest potential for ourselves and the universe.

What does happiness mean? Happiness means experiencing the state of being happy. What does it mean to be happy? To be happy means to show pleasure and contentment. To show it. Not just to experience it, but to show happiness as part of the way we live our lives. One way we can show happiness is to share the fact that we are happy with others.

Sharing gets back to the root for me, for in sharing the inner state we have, we are able to expand on its ability to create change in others. Are we out to change others? Are we out to expand our own horizons, and create happiness everywhere we go? Yes. We all want to be happy. Let's share it.

How to Be Happy

To be happy is more than just putting on a front of a positive attitude toward the experiences and tribulations of life. A positive outlook can and will contribute toward our happiness, but positivity alone cannot make you a happy person.

Happiness must come from within. Happiness is a state of mind. Not a physical state we can just enter into, but a mental state from which we can operate and enjoy life's pleasures and deal with life's troubles.

So how can you be happy? How do we get ourselves into this mental state of happiness? It sounds too simple to be true, but we just create it and enter into it. We decide to be happy, and we make it happen. It takes practice, but that is why we are given the gift of moment to moment living, in order to practice stepping into happiness.

Happiness is a state of mind. We are capable of entering that state of mind at any time. Unfortunately, we forget how simple the formula for happiness is (create happiness, and enter into it) and so start searching for things outside of ourselves in order to make us happy. But really, happiness is within each of us, and is a state of mind we can enter into at any time.

How to Create Happiness (in Others and Yourself)

Can we create a positive emotion or a state of consciousness in others? I think it is possible to encourage a different state of mind in others, but that the person must enter into that state of their own accord. However, by setting the stage for others to be happy, we make it easier for them to step over the threshold of happiness and experience the joy of being.

So how can we set the stage for others to be happy? 

Give

By giving. By giving ourselves to others.

Be Grateful

By being grateful. By being grateful for what others give to us.

Share

By sharing. By sharing what we have to offer with those we love and the world.

Through giving and sharing our own happiness and other positive emotions and experiences, and being grateful for the opportunity to share, give and receive from others, we are able to create more opportunity for happiness in others.

Reaching the Zen(ith) of Happiness (Or How to Smile)

So if happiness is a state of mind, we need to be able to enter that state at will, anytime we like, so that we can be happy at a moment's notice. Ideally we would maintain our happy outlook and demeanor at all times. This is difficult to do. As said before, it takes practice. But to practice it is just as easy as learning to ride a bike. Be happy. Repeat. Just be happy. There is so much that life has to offer all of us, so much that we can do, wouldn't you rather be happy doing it? There is so much opportunity in the world for us to experience happiness, because every single moment holds the secret to our happiness! We don't have to wait for anything to come to us, or until this or that is accomplished, we can choose to be happy now.

What will you choose?

Where will you go to learn more?

For starters, smile!

By smiling, you trick your mind into believing you are happy. A real smile creases the eyes, but a mouth only smile can get you started. Give it a try! Try it with those you love. Try your smile out in public, especially at this time of year.  

Look in the mirror and test out your smile. Then share it with others.

Don't worry. Be happy. Then share it with others.

Relaxation

How do I enter into complete relaxation? It begins with posture. Prone is best for me, on my stomach, eyes closed. Then begin breathing, deeply through the mouth then out through the mouth. For better or worse I am a mouth breather. Oh well. 

Once the posture is right, then I envision all thoughts and emotions as objects. I prefer cars or motorcycles. The thoughts just stream by me, I do not have to interact with them at all. I am sitting on the side of the road, waiting for the bus. The cars and motorcycles and trucks that lumber past pay me no notice, and I don’t pay any attention to them either.

I am completely relaxed. Now what?

Now what do I do? I have achieved relaxation state. Ah, yes, now I try to just stay here as long as possible. Remain in a relaxed frame of mind for as long as possible. Laugh. Laugh when I am relaxed, it opens up happy pathways in my brain.

Happy pathways are good for my soul. And for my body.

Getting Ready

I think I am almost ready to start sharing most of what I write. Up to this point, I have been writing somewhere else then copying and pasting pieces into posts. This whole blog is dedicated to the idea of being able to watch someone go from an unskilled, unknown artist, to something more. And what better way to capture that than by witnessing the unskilled portion of the learning curve?

I don't have to be concerned any longer with what others might think of my attempts at writing. Nothing has really changed to allow me to think that, except that I have changed. I have become more confident in my skills and I think that my concept of a blog that follows one from unskilled to skilled is a good concept.

I notice that I talk about myself a lot when I write, and that it may seem narcissistic at times. I am okay with that. I have to stop worrying about what may or may not be perceived by others and just get on with the show.

And by getting on with the show, by writing, I am able to further my dreams, and get myself to a point of success. I am able to bring my dreams into reality. In fact, I am living my dream at this moment, as I write this. That is all I want in a career, to be able to write and create freely from my mind and my experience. By practicing the act of writing and creating before it is my career, I will be ready for when my creative career takes off.

In the meantime, I will do my best to create what I can with the time I have, and will work to create more time to do my best creating. That is a good start. It is good because I say it is good, to anyone else it may just be bad, but to me it is good, and so it is good.

It is official. I am ready. I got through this post unscathed, and there is a new truth and bareness to my writing that was not there before. It is open for the world to see. Let it out. Let the light shine.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving. Giving thanks.

Thank you to my family for unending love and support.

Thank you to my father for teaching me how to sing.

Thank you to my mother for teaching me how to learn.

Thank you to my brothers for teaching me the meaning of brotherly love.

Thank you to my mother-in-law for picking me up when I was at my lowest point.

Thank you to my wife for loving me and growing old with me.

Thank you to my children for allowing me to raise them the best I can.

Thank you to the air for letting me breathe you.

Thank you to the land for allowing me to walk and travel upon you.

Thank you to my company for employing me and allowing me to house, clothe and feed my family.

Thank you to the sun for shining on me.

Thank you to the birds for singing their songs.

Thank you to the sky for being so unendingly large.

Thank you to the moon for allowing me to gaze upon you in wonder.

Thank you to the stars for making the night sky sing.

Thank you to the water for allowing me to drink my fill of you.

Thank you to the squirrels who eat my pumpkins, entertain me and make me laugh.

Thank you to my house for keeping me safe and warm.

Thank you to the churches for feeding the hungry.

Thank you to the laborers for working hard into the night.

Thank you to the tradesmen and women for building and making the things and services I use without thought.

Thank you to nature for being so beautifully complex.

Thank you to the flowers for being so simply beautiful.

Thank you to the artists for leading the way.

Thank you to the internet for bringing so many of us together in one place.

Thank you to books for all your knowledge and adventures.

Thank you to America for giving me freedom.

Thank you to the world for giving me life.

Thank you to the night for all your dark and mysterious pleasures.

Thank you to the day for all that you have in store.

Thank you to the food I eat for nourishment and energy.

Thank you to the friends I have for growing and laughing along with me.

Thank you to the universe for all you have shown me.

Thank you to life for embracing me and letting me live.

Thank you for being yourself.

Thank you.

101st Post: A Look to the Future

I have a few goals I would like to share.

One is to quit smoking forever.

Another goal is to reach 500 posts on this blog. No time frame set, just want to get there and say that I did it.

Yet another goal is to continue to pursue the creative life. Continue to create art, music and writing that is in line with my values, in order to create a bridge over which I can walk with my career.

Those are my goals. Three is enough right now. To put my goals more succinctly:

1. Quit smoking forever.
2. Reach 500 blog posts.
3. Pursue the creative life.

That is my look to the future. Goal oriented and to the point. Now let’s get back to the present…..

---

That right there was going to be the entirety of my 101st blog post, but my good friend anticipated the title and the sequence I was going for, so I thought I would pull out all the stops, send this thing into the stratosphere and see what space looks like from the future.

Do I know where I am headed? Do I know what path I am on? I am on the path that I designed. Whether I know it or not, it has always been about me and my choices, never about anyone else and what they may or may not have done or said. I must own my life.

Do I like where I am headed? Do I like the path I am on? Again, I am on the path that I designed. If I don’t like it, I can change it.

Change is not easy. Change is something difficult to recognize in the moments that it is happening, but it is always happening. The “same thing” I did yesterday is different than the “same thing” I am doing today. I am another day older, the world has moved on by 24 hours. Time, emotion, crisis, adventure, something, anything has passed as well, and now it is different. The change is not necessarily apparent, but it is there.

I can proactively create change.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” - Ghandi

Create the change in your life. Create change, don’t just experience it. Become a part of change, become one with change and make it into a habit. Make changing synonymous with living. Become who you’ve always wanted to be. We can all become who we are, we can all become who we want to be.

By writing about all this change and making it into a habit, I am talking to myself. I am working myself up to change in the ways that I need and want to change. I need to quit smoking. I want to continue writing and creating. And to do those things, I need to change. I need to be different than I was today, I need to be better for tomorrow. I need to improve every ounce of my being, every single day, by my choices and through love. Through love is the only way I will be able to change. Love of myself and the world.

And I have so much love to give.

I have so much love to share with the world and with you.

I will start with loving myself. I will start with loving my family. Sharing myself with my family, and with all those around me. Opening up and sharing. Letting the love flow.

Love is a light. The light shining from the love that I'm sharing is brighter than a thousand candles. The love that you share is just as bright if not brighter. Imagine if we all shone our love as light. Love can shine us through the darkness, can get us to the other side of the tunnel, can lead the way through the forest of life to have us come out triumphant into the sunshine and breathe deeply the air of glory and wonder.

Will I shine my love? 

Will I share it with others? 

Will I? 

Will you?

“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.” - Siddhartha Gautama Buddha

And so I want to share this happiness below. With any luck and a dedication to change on my part, the conclusion to the story will be coming in 2015. Much love and happiness to each and every one of you.

Candle 

    Among the ruins of community, within the desolate darkness that was the Light Upon the Hill, between the broken minds, uncertain actions, abused bodies and empty hearts, a Candle burns. His head held tall, lit with a golden flame, Candle walks down the dingy alley, cultural vomit attacking his nostrils, but not completely drowning the sweet paraffin scent he leaves behind. The darkness surrounding his flame dims the small light even further, diffusing it against the sooty walls, but still the light shines on.

    Candle walks and looks above the buildings to Great Hill where the Light of Elsewhere once was. He passes darkened windows, shades drawn against the blight, holding the monstrous nothing of Main Street back from tired eyes squeezed shut behind dirty windows. The shops are all closed, save the gas station and fast food restaurant; the oil and grease lubricating the Machine of Society. Remote franchises surrounding and devouring, hiding grubby hands behind aprons of incorporation, veiling the fact that single minds are behind every appalling action.

    A bar, neon light robotically alive with artificial energy, opens the maw of its doors spilling melted wax onto the sidewalk, laughing and hiccupping to a flameless joke. The molten wax cascades across the road, gurgling into the cold gutter to harden with dreamless sleep, only to return to melt again tomorrow.

    Candle walks, small lamp against the brilliant blackness surrounding his wane features. He thinks as he walks, colors flickering in the tip of his flame as thoughts and ideas shoot through his mind.

   

    Suddenly, a false and frightening darkness rips across the street, glancing pools of black where before small mirrors of moonlight shown off every car and puddle. Candle crouches low, pulling his trench coat up and over his flame, pushing himself tightly against the wall.

    The Snuffers should be days behind me! How could they have caught up so fast? The old woman in the forest.... I should have been more careful; they must not capture me before I find Argas!

    The searching darkness reaches out and fingers Candle's back, drawing lines of black against his trench coat and blending him and his covered flame deep into the grime of the alley wall. The Darklamp is unable to distinguish the silent burning of his wick. The Snuffers, satisfied that the alley is empty, move off down Main Street, shining their Darklamps into every corner and side street.

    Candle breathes soft and low, slowly uncovering his flame and takes a look behind him. He is alone in the alley. As he settles his hood back on his shoulders, a harsh voice rasps from a window above him.

    "Where did you get such a bright light?"

    Immediately, the Snuffers wheel around and tear back toward the alley, Darklamps bobbing. There is no time to cover his flame, and Candle prepares himself for attack. He has fought with his flame in a few battles, and goes through the preparation as if it were a small gesture of gratitude for the power his enemies allow him to unleash. His hands together inside his coat, Candle's wick glows blue-white, then a gold more brilliant than pure refined ore. The first Darklamp hits him. His flame stands out in stunning brilliance against the black from the alley and the Darklamp in the Snuffers hand.

    "Holy! Look out Lights, he's got Golden Flame!" but the unlucky Snuffer never finishes his outburst. Candle's flame bellows out, bolts of fire fly from his wick, incinerating the Snuffer where he stands. The other Snuffers enter the alley and are surrounded and melted by the awesome flame Candle unleashes against them.  

     Suddenly, all is darkness again, except for Candle’s wick, smoldering under a small blue flame. His body is singed and paraffin drips steadily from around his wick, but he lowers his head slowly and bends down to gather what he can of the wax on the alley stones.  

     “What the light was that?!” The raspy voice cries above him. “What are you?”

     Candle reaches up and cracks off the used wick, crispy and curled above his flame, folding it and forming it into a sharp point. He tosses it carelessly from hand to hand, then flings it sharply upward toward the window, smashing glass, silencing the raspy voice.  

    “Just a candle,” he murmurs, walking quickly out of the alley and down Main Street.  

100th Post: A View of the Present

All these thoughts are new. There is nothing old on here. Maybe I should go back to my notebooks and find something interesting to post. Maybe I should just forge ahead regardless of what has happened in the past. I think the latter option is better, but for my 99th post, I think I will stop and reflect.

Right now though, I am working on the 100th post, so let’s deal with the present. Let’s say #99 is for past, #100 is for present, and #101 is for future. That will cover all the time options at least.

The present is the most powerful time to accomplish anything. Nothing can be accomplished in the past or future, it all has to happen in the present. Everything else is just a dream. The present is the reality, where things are accomplished and worked on. Everything must be started, worked on and finished in the present only. 

There is a way to move forward in all things and scenarios. That way is through the present.

There are lots of thoughts that clutter my mind, and the vast majority of them are on the past or in the future, instead of just being in the present. When I am in the present and I am writing I am on. I am switched on like a light and burn like a 100 watt bulb until the writing is finished.

Is it me who switches me on to write like that? I don’t think so, I think it has to do with being completely in the present and surrounding myself with the tools necessary to complete the writing the way it is intended to be completed.

The present offers so many possibilities. There is a way forward in all things. There is an opportunity in every case. Take the opportunity. Take the time. There is always enough time. The present knows no bounds. There is always the present, it is our constant companion. We are always with the present and the present is always inside of us.

What do we do when we look outside the present? We falter. There is no strength in the past, no grounding in the future. It is all now. It is all right now, and only now.

Here we are, me having already written this, and you reading this in the very present tense. You are in the present. Every word you take in is happening right now. And to me, that is the power of writing. It takes my present to write it, then later, takes the past and throws it into someone else’s present. We can’t get to the future (yet), but we can interact in the present and through the past. By you reading this, our memories are linked. We may not know each other at all, but we are connected.

In the present, my present, as I am writing this, I am thinking about possibility. I am thinking about opportunity. By writing I am learning the opportunity that I have in life is to share what I create with others. By sharing I am able to connect. And by connecting I am able to grow.

Growth is the purpose of life. We grow continually from the time we are born until we die. There is no stopping it. It just happens naturally. It is an amazing process. And the wonderful thing is, as we get older, we are able to direct and decide our own growth. Our parents helped us grow when we didn’t know any better, but as we got older, we made decisions for ourselves, and grew in the direction that we wanted to go in. And so it will continue for the rest of our lives.

I am growing in the direction of creating more and more, as often as possible. The more I create, the more I grow. The more I write, the better I get. The better I get at writing, the better I get at communicating. And by communicating better, I increase my interaction with others.

In the present is where I am right now as I write this. That is obvious because my fingers are typing out the letters as I watch. But in reality, I am present as I am writing this as well. I am thinking only of the current task, only of writing a post and sharing it with others. In fact, I am not worried about sharing it yet, I am only concerned with writing it. My thoughts continually drift to sharing it in the future, or reflecting on my notebooks for the last post, but I am still able to bring my attention back to the present, and creating this post first.

Create one thing at a time. Move forward one step at a time. Find focus and energy, and make a mark on the universe. It won’t be forgotten.

99th Post: A Look to the Past

For my 99th post, I thought I would dredge some things up from the past, from over 10 years ago....

A pencil rendering for a painting I later sold on eBay for $0.99.

And a little ramble from my oldest journal......

“Let me tell you a story about getting older. Kind of sometimes getting wiser, but really only learning from the process of acquiring years and packing them into a belly that hangs desperately over my belt.

I suppose to talk about getting old it must be assumed that one was once young, and I was a long time ago. I was an 18 year old boy. I could argue that I was a man in many respects, but I won’t. I was a boy and in many ways I could probably argue that I still am, but I won’t. I’ll just say that nothing turns a boy into a man, back into a boy better than aging.

It isn’t a pretty sight. Time takes on a whole new meaning when you get older. It’s never “Oh look at the time, where did it go?” I always think “Man! It’s so early!” And I’ll continue to think that way until one morning when I wake up and start thinking the other way.

I’ve got to keep looking at time as a forward motion. Once you pause and look back, you’re a goner. I’m not talking about the bend and smell the flowers pause either. I’m talking twist your head around and look down that long hill of life you’ve climbed and realizing there’s a mountain in front of you that you’re never going to finish climbing.

I’m talking taking a look in the rearview and instead of your buddy following you to the bar, there’s three cop cars with their sirens screaming.

So I pulled over. Great. I’ve got bills stacked up, I don’t have cash to pay for a ticket.

You know, the same stuff that runs through everyone when they get caught doing 40 in a 25.

I reached for my registration. I keep it in the glove box with a boatload of Taco Bell napkins and a backup supply of air fresheners. I’m always concerned with how my car smells, but usually only when someone is riding with me, which isn’t often.”

Be Kind

Be kind.

We are all in this together.

There is no reason to rush around and go wild with worry in order to accomplish the day's tasks. There is plenty of time. Just wait, it won’t be long.

We have an opportunity at every moment to decide how our lives will be lived. We have the ability to choose at every second whether to be kind and carry on forward or to be blunt and abusive in our dealings with others.

Which will you choose? At every moment that is presented to you, what will you decide? It is not just one decision that makes up our lives. It is the small, quiet decisions that we make every second that influence our general course in life. We are making these decisions every single second.

And at every single turn we are presented with the option of how we will carry out our decisions. Will we complete our goals with kindness toward others and ourselves, or will we complete our goals by any means necessary?

Be compassionate. Be loving. Be caring. Be kind.

Presence For Your iPhone

Quote

"Just do your best. It's the only way to keep that last bit of sanity, maybe I don't have to be good, but I can try to be at least a little better than I've been so far." - The Avett Brothers

Quote

Every Which Way But Loose

Growth, Potential, Practice and The Next Big Thing

I will write as much as I possibly can with the time I have.

Is it about quantity or quality? It is about both, it is about writing period. The writing is what I am doing with myself, and what I am excited about. The posts on the blog are good and well, but it is the actual writing that propels me forward to what I enjoy with my whole heart, soul and mind, what takes up and uses all three to create new things every day.

I have a love of creating things, fresh thoughts, fresh ideas. I have a love of rehashing old thoughts and ideas with a new or old or used up slant on things. It doesn’t matter! What does matter is that I write it out, all of it, and that it is recorded here, for posterity. But more than for those who will read this later, I do it for myself, so that I can look back at where I have been and know that I am moving forward and growing.

Growth is a huge part of what I am trying to capture here, and I may not be able to capture it completely. Growth is something that is ephemeral in that the growth itself happens in increments and small steps, but I am still myself. There is seemingly nothing new about growing , it is only upon reflection that the growth can be noted, as in remembering what used to be and now taking in what is. It is this capacity for knowing the difference between what used to be and what is that makes the human experience so unique. We have much to learn from our animal friends who seem to only live in the present, but we can’t discount the ability to reflect and ponder upon what we “see” in the past, and how it applies to our present and future.

Potential is something else I want to touch on. What is potential? Potential is something dormant that has a capacity to reveal itself. But that doesn’t mean it will always reveal itself. Potential must be encouraged and tended to, it must be given room: to breathe, to grow and…. to get things wrong. Just because someone has potential in a certain area doesn’t mean that they are going to get it right the first or even the fiftieth time. But it is a good decision to lean in the direction of potential, to give that area of life the opportunity to blossom and grow.

Practice is another topic of conversation. To practice is to prepare. What I am doing here, by writing actively with no real goal or purpose for this writing, is practice. And by practicing, I am able to get in touch with what moves me, and may move others upon reading. I get glimpses of success, glimpses of what writing has the power to do, and I try to lean into that. I learn. I learn from failed attempts at writing something relevant and intriguing, that it is all just practice for what is coming next.

The next big thing. What is the next big thing? Who knows? We area all interested inthe energy and experience of our swiftly moving planet, but do we really know where we are headed? I bet there are people who know where we are headed, and I bet they are extremely interesting to talk to. I would like to get their thoughts on where we’ve been, where we are and where we are going.

I am starting to get a better idea of where I am headed, what path I am on, and why. I am becoming a writer, a writer of ideas and thoughts that bear the burden (read joy) of being shared, whether good, bad, ugly or indifferent. All this writing could easily fall on deaf ears, but that doesn’t really matter, because I am not doing it for any other reason than for myself, my family, the world and God. After all those years of Christianity, I still believe in some sort of God or universal laws that speak to all the reasons why I think about existence and love and fear instead of just living life with my head down in the sand.

We are all here together, and we are all in the same glorious mess. Let’s learn to love it! I am starting to enjoy myself more and more, and I am starting to share the joy of self-discovery. Won’t you come join me?

Living with Passion

Passion. What is passion?

The real question is what is passion to me? It is a way of living, a way of experiencing life that infuses every moment with a sense of urgency and importance.

To live passionately then is to have a sense of urgency and importance in every moment. As I breathe, as I move, as I work and as I play. A passionate life is one in which every action is infused with passion, with a sense of purpose and importance.

Can I say that I live my life passionately? No, I cannot say that. I am reserved. I deter my emotions from breaking the surface of my actions. My actions are robotic at times, without fanfare or flourish. Is the fact that I don't live passionately something that I can change? I think that it is. I believe I and anyone can learn to live with passion.

After all, passion is not something external that needs to be acquired or caught and applied; passion comes from within. Passion is something intrinsic in all of us.

The goal then can be to tap into what it is that I am passionate about. What am I passionate about?

I am passionate about writing. I love to write my thoughts down on paper and share them with the world.

I am passionate about music. I love to write songs and let my creativity flow that way, naturally in lyrics and song.

I am passionate about sharing. I think through sharing we are able to learn from each other's mistakes and successes.

I am passionate about helping others learn and grow. I enjoy seeing people's minds click when they have learned a new task or skill. I love to see people grow beyond what they thought possible.

But I hold myself back from much that I am passionate about. I do not devote the time or energy necessary to writing, creating music or sharing. I am reserved and shy around people most of the time, choosing to allow others to have the spotlight if they want it, keeping me from moving a group or individual forward on a learning path.

How can I change to become more passionate in the way I live my dreams and in my day to day life?

1. Write and share regularly
Just by writing here and sharing my thoughts I am encouraging myself to fulfill one of my passions. At first, and maybe always, it does not matter if the writing is any good. It can get better with time and practice.

2. Create music and share regularly
I know that smoking regularly is really putting a damper on my musical output. I also do not take or make the time or energy to practice my music. I can make more time for music in my life. I can even just listen to more music.

3. I can help others learn and grow, especially my children.
I can teach them everything I know, whether it seems useful or not. I can watch them learn, and watch them grow. I can be less anxious and be more involved with others in my life and allow them to learn from me and life and grow within themselves.

Living with passion is not something I will start doing in the blink of an eye. It will take time to come out of my shell. That is what I am recording here, the metamorphosis of one individual from living one way, to living another. And the way I choose to live is with passion, with a sense of urgency, purpose and importance in all that I think and do.

Just Be Yourself

Took me a long time to get here. Here being where I am now, writing freely in my own house. Took me a long time to get here because I am noticing the freedom of writing by hand. The critic is more silenced than when I am writing on the computer. So I may need to write all of my blog posts and fiction writing like this. I am okay with that. In fact, I am excited by the opportunity.

What do I have to say to the world? Be a part of your own life. Don't just live in the motions, be the motion. Understand the struggle is not you against the world but you against and for yourself. You are your own worst enemy or your own best friend. No other outside influence has more say over what you do than you and your own mind. Protect your mind, it can be a fragile thing. Protect yourself from onslaught from the outside, but more importantly from attacks launched from within.

I find I am filled with lots of negative self-talk, but I can see that I am turning the tide of that negative self-talk and beginning to make some positive in-roads against that negative self-talk. What can be more positive than to say, "I am worthy, just as I am. I am enough." If I died today, I would say I had a life well lived. There is still so much I want to do and be and experience, but I am content with my life lived up to this point.

Sometimes I don't know what to write, but then I just begin writing and I am lead somewhere I have never been before. I breaking new ground each time I pick up the pen.

There are two sides to my writing: the creating portion, and the editing portion. The editing portion is important to ensure a sense of clarity, but first must come the creative experience, and the more I get out of my own way, and allow for the creation to happen naturally, the more effective my communication will be. The more effective my communication is, the more powerfully my message will be delivered.

What is my message?

To be yourself. Through all things, just be yourself.

Create More Than You Consume

Creating with Bipolar Disorder

Staring at a blank page, I am up against the idea that I am really just fooling myself, that I really don't have anything creative to say after all my longing, wishing, talking and hoping.

Sometimes I feel defeated before I have even begun. But that won't stop me from creating something, working at something, even if it is just this nonsense here. How self-deprecating and dismissive of me, I should have not been so mean there. This is not nonsense, this is writing, and even though it may be bad writing, it is my writing, and so this is the place where it goes. It is okay to write badly and to publish here and now regardless of the success of the work.

Creating is something that happens naturally when I sit down to do it. The writing flows normally, though the topics addressed are rarely focused on one thing or another for very long. The ideas are flowing. I see writing as therapy for me. It is something I do almost compulsively, to get ideas down on the page, to set forth my goals and ambitions. To define myself in a way I had not done before.

And by defining myself, I get to know myself better. By getting to know myself better, I am better able to navigate life. I can surf through the current without running into the rocks, or at least be able to bounce off of them safely when I come upon one.

I want to be a writer. What I am finding is that I want the writer's life, but I don't necessarily want to put in the work to get there. That is hard to admit, but it is the truth. I am lazy. I procrastinate often.

Being honest with myself is something that gets me closer to where I want to be as well, even if the truth hurts. I can take the time to be honest with myself and understand that what I learn might hurt a bit. But it is better to know than to not know.

The unexamined life is not worth living.  -Socrates

So I am examining my life, and some of the things I find may be unpleasant. I am willing to go there. I am willing to unearth whatever needs to be turned over and let into the air.

But back to creating and the act of creation.... It is important to know that I do have a desire to create. It is intertwined with my DNA, part of who I am. I just need to do it more often. I have to allow myself the time and energy to create, because I also believe that what I want to create is worth the time and energy. It is worth it to myself, and I think it may be worth it to others in the short or long term.

At least that is what I think right now, and why I started this blog, to show that someone can go from point A to point Z, not in a straight line, but in a curve, an arc.

My understanding of life is one of creation and improvement and change. So first I must master myself and learn how to change as often and deeply as necessary.

The measure of intelligence is the ability to change. -Albert Einstein

Over the past year and a half many things about me have changed, both inadvertently and by design. A year and a half ago I experienced a major manic episode, was hospitalized and diagnosed with bipolar disorder. That was a drastic change to my psyche and my life. Through that experience, I have come to know myself a lot more, and have tried to live my life more true to myself. But I am still fearful at times, still discovering myself, and I still have a lot to learn. I am willing to share these thoughts and others so that readers will be encouraged that they are not alone in their fight for change or self discovery or life in general.

We are all working hard at going somewhere, whether inadvertently or by design. Do we know where we are headed? Do we stop to think about the destination and change direction when necessary?

I had a major speed bump in my life and was given the opportunity to see the big picture, what is most important to myself and my family. The universe worked something out for me that was unique to me and my situation, and I am grateful for the opportunity, though it was difficult to get through at the time.

So now I am faced with the things that I want to change about myself, and finding the ways and means to actually change them. I don't want to be lazy anymore. I don't want to procrastinate my life away. I want to be a part of life and living it to the fullest.

This morning I got up early (on a Saturday) and decided to write. That was a good decision, though I don't know how often I will be able to actually do that. It doesn't really matter; what does matter is that I am doing it right now, in the present, and that is all I can control.

“Be here now.” ― Ram Dass, Be Here Now

Just Dive In

Just dive in. Make something new. Create something that has not been before or will be since the inception of the creation.

Just dive in. Do not wait for inspiration, make the most of this moment, right now.

Just dive in. Do not be reluctant or recalcitrant, just go for it.

Just dive in. Make the most of the situation you are in.

Just dive in. Do not let resistance slow you down.

Just dive in. Get wet. Splash.

Just dive in.

All Is Not Lost

All is not lost.

I am not lost.

You are not lost either.

Let's celebrate!

I Want to Be Successful

I want to be successful.

I get to define what success means. It doesn't have to be what anyone else wants, it can only be what I want.

Define for yourself what success is. Is it a new car? Is it that perfect dream house? Is it a wonderful family life? Is it financial security? Is it a thriving business? Is it a chance to travel the world at a moment's notice? Is it the opportunity to live where you want to? Is it being able to say you finished something? Is it an account of your accomplishments? What is success? What is success to you?

Where do you see yourself in five years? Where do you want to live in five years? What do you want to be doing for a living in five years? What do you want for your family in five years? What kind of relationships do you want to have in five years? What do you want to have under your belt in five years? What languages do you speak in five years? How much have you learned in five years? What have you learned in five years? What is the meaning of your life in five years? How much older are you going to be in five years? How much younger will you feel in five years? What do you think you will be doing in five years?

Is five years too long?

Do you not have the ability to see that far in the future? You don't have to be a fortune teller. You only have to define for yourself  what you want in those five years. Make it up. Start somewhere. There can be no wrong answers. This is a game. A game of chance and make believe. But there is truth behind it. By doing the exercise, you learn more about yourself. You learn what it is that you truly want, what you truly desire when you look outside of your day to day existence.

What if we shortened the long view? What if we only looked at the next year?

What do you want to be different in your life one year from today? What if you had the ability to change everything about your life? What if you didn't want to change anything about your life? What if? What does your next year look like? Take your age and add a year, what is the new age you come to? Is it a good year? Will you take advantage of the opportunity that life gives all of us every precious moment and become what you want to be?

I don't know if I will, but I will try. And trying is where I can start. Trying gets the ball rolling, breaks the inertia, builds momentum. But success is the goal.

I take it for granted that I want to succeed. But it is important to say to myself that I want to be successful, that I want to be a success. And again, I get to define what that success means. It is different for everyone.

But we have to take the time to define what success means for us. We have to take the time to decide what we want and what we don't want. Actually, forget about what you don't want. Life teaches us what we don't want, we don't have to decide for ourselves. Focus on what we do want. Focus on what you want from life. Then get out there and try for it. But instead of just trying and hoping for the best, say to yourself, "I want to be successful."

I want to be successful.

I want to win. I don't think life is a competition, but I still want to be a winner. A winner in my own right, by my own definitions, by my own definition of success.

What does success look like for you?

Maybe a year is still too long of a view to have. Let's chop it down then, drop it to six months, one month, a week, a day, today, this hour, this minute, this second.

DEFINE SUCCESS FOR YOURSELF THIS MOMENT, AND ONLY FOR THIS MOMENT.

Then get out there and try for that success. Moment to moment. Live in the present and focus on what success can be for you at that one moment.

This one moment is all we have. The present is the only time we have to live in, everything else, past and future are just a dream.

Define for yourself what success is, and be a success in this present moment.