Thoughts

Back to my roots.

I am not my thoughts.

I am not my feelings.

I am the present awareness that lies behind both.

Fragments and broken pieces put together with care and attention, eventually make a whole new something.

Check some old good music.

There Will Be Dancing in the Streets (Original Song by Dave Brey)

We were all listening

to the garage band down the street

The noise it made our hearts rejoice

The music moved our feet

And when the dancing started up

We tore all the walls down

And the band played on as we took on

The whole entire town

Clap your hands

Move your feet

There will be dancing in the streets

   Move your body to the beat

There will be dancing in the streets

The sun was high the sound was low

We were moving in our chairs

And as the music lifted us

We were floating in the air

We started strong and soon took on

An excitable air

The music moving hearts and minds

Of everybody there

Clap your hands

Move your feet

There will be dancing in the streets

   Move your body to the beat

There will be dancing in the streets

The sun was low and the sound was high

As we all started to sweat

The droplets gleaming on your lips

Looked better than the best

And when I saw you moving on

The street in front of me

I realized I'd never been as

Used up and happy

Clap your hands

Move your feet

There will be dancing in the streets

   Move your body to the beat

There will be dancing in the streets

The sun went down

The sound turned up

The night is falling

Party on and on and on and on

Clap your hands

Move your feet

There will be dancing in the streets

   Move your body to the beat

There will be dancing in the streets

Clap your hands

Move your feet

There will be dancing in the streets

   Move your body to the beat

There will be dancing in the streets

New Song 4 (Original Song by Dave Brey)

I Can't Complain by Todd Snider (Cover by Dave Brey)

Lalala

Now What? A Peek at What's Next

Now what?

I have made some changes, and now what? Now what do I need to do?

I need to write more. I need to share more. I need to create more. That is what I need to do.

And that is what I am doing right now.

I am constantly on the lookout for distractions. I find and embrace them. That is what I do.

But right now I am not going to be distracted.

Above there is a picture of something peeking above the horizon, showing itself, just a little bit, and working to reveal itself more and more.

That is what I am doing as well, working to reveal myself more and more.

I am uncovering new things and beliefs about myself, and I will be sharing them here.

One thing I have learned is that I am a creature of habit. And so I am trying to change some of my habits. I am learning that some of my existing habits are not good for me, and that I need to change.

I need to change.

I must change.

Getting to "must change" can be a long, long road. But that is where the action happens. Nothing happens when we might change, or could change, or god forbid, should change. Must change makes it happen.

Or not.

Just because I must change doesn't mean that I am going to.

But I do have a better shot at it. I have the potential to change now.

I had an earlier post about potential that showed that I am more interested in what actually happens as opposed to what could happen.

I still believe that. I still believe that what actually happens is more revealing, more telling, than what could happen. Especially what could happen and doesn't.

But it remains the truth that I now have the potential to change, at least more so before I arrived at the must change state.

There is a lot riding on this now, the fact that I need to and want to and can and must change.

What would happen if I don't make the changes that I seek in my life?

Deterioration.

What would happen if I do make the changes that I seek in my life?

Growth.

And so I will change, and continue to change as long as necessary, from now until I die.

Art, Quote and a Song

Dig a Well

Dig a well.

Find your source.

Take action.

Resign yourself to accept those things you cannot change.

Change the things you can.

Do not conserve your energy. What are you saving it for?

Be the person you are. Embrace yourself fully.

Complete what you set out to do. Make sure your heart is in it.

Like yourself more and more each day.

"There's another train. There always is." - The Poozies

There will be no later, there was no then, there is only now.

Take a chance. Take a chance on yourself. Bet that you will succeed.

There is always some bit of strength left at the end of the day. Use it up.

Leave everything on the table.

Put yourself into the work you do.

Commit.

Dig a well.

Who I Am and What I Am About

Inspired by a question I was recently asked to define myself, and by Mighty Oak Barbell's video, I have decided to delimit and describe who I am, and what I am about. The word delimit is used on purpose, because I have thought through most of my life, that by defining myself, I would be limiting any possibilities. Choosing one path prevents us from walking another. And so many times, I have not decided on a path to take, and yet, that is choosing a path as well. And who is to say we can't alter or change our direction once we have made a decision in life? It is a learning and growing process. This is...

Who I Am and What I Am About

My name is Dave Brey and I have lived for almost thirty-six years. I have seen, done, learned and forgotten millions of things. I have created new synapses and killed brain cells. I have formed new habits and held onto old ones. I have learned about myself and about others through trial and error, and through it all there has always been a pen, and there has always been paper.

There may have been computers and typewriters and keyboards and laptops and all sorts of writing technology, but even still, through it all there has been pen and paper. 

Pens I get from the dollar store. Most paper I get from Staples. 

So what meaning does the pen and paper give to my life?

Writing with pen and paper allows me to express myself. It allows me to jot down my thoughts and get better at thinking by creating a connection between the mental idea and the physical written words. So am I an author? I have written a book, so maybe I am. But certainly, I am a writer. I have twenty notebooks, a hundred and fifty blog posts and umpteen half-finished electronically written ideas and journal entries.

Do I get paid to write? I have been paid to write, and been paid by my writing, but I don't make a living at it. Even so, I am certain that I am a writer.

I am a reader. I like to read many things, though lately I am on a non-fiction kick. Reading helps to inform my way of thinking, expands my universe, and allows me to travel the world from the comfort of my home. I love to share what I am reading and have read with others, and to hear from them what they are reading also.

I also play guitar. I sing. I love to make music, by playing someone else's songs or creating my own. So, I am a musician. I am not as skilled as I would like to be, but I am light years ahead of where I started. I don't know the ins and outs of music theory or the fret board, but I am a musician. It is certain.

Do I make money from my musical endeavors? I do not, but I have in the past, and could potentially again in the future. But I don't make my living through music. However, that makes me no less of a musician.

I am passionate about reading, writing and playing music; reading books I find interesting or someone has recommended to me, writing thoughts, poems and prose, and covering or writing original music. That is what I do with all my free time.

So, who am I? I am a writer, a reader, and a musician.

What am I about? I am about learning on this journey of life. I am about developing my sense of self as I move through life. I am about trying to become a better and more well-rounded reader, writer, and musician. These are the things that I am about.

Now, what do I do? For a living? Something completely different. 

Ultimately, I would like to make what I am and what I am about what I do; to marry the three areas together is a lifetime goal of mine. And I am making progress. That is true. I am making progress. But it is slow going. So I will continue to do what I do in order to provide for my family, lifestyle, and for my passions. 

So, let's sum it all up again.

Who am I?

What am I about?

I am Dave Brey, a writer, reader and musician, passionate about creating writing and music that helps others through this journey of life.

That is who I am, and that is what I am about.

Warts and All

Recommended listening:

The Deep Vibration Vera Cruz EP



Another chance to make something new. Another chance to write about something that I care about.

I have all the time in the world, but yet I have no time. I have no time, I have so much time.

I am full of contradictions.

I want to make a living as a creative artist. I want to do well at the company.

I want so many things, I want so little.

I need so many things, I need so little.

So why is it that I am continually banging my head against the wall, and why am I constantly able to push boundaries?

What am I actually thinking right now?

I am looking for a distraction. Something, anything, to take me away from the now, when in fact, what I want to be doing right now, and what I AM doing right now, is what I want to be doing now and forever.

So why am I searching for a distraction? Out of habit. I am searching for a distraction, because that is what I do. I don't focus, I don't bear down, I don't lean in when the going gets tough, I go and do something else.

That is the beauty and the hardship of life. Where your focus is, there is where you make progress. What you choose to allow yourself to do fully, that is what you make progress on.

Flow. A lot has been talked about the word FLOW over the past few years. Flow is a state in which one allows oneself to be completely consumed by what one is doing. So many ones. Just let it go.

Now, if I were to let myself be completely consumed by the fact that I am writing right now, it would make sense, and it would be in line with what I actually want for myself.

A distraction. A dichotomy. Something other than what I wanted to be working on, some other distraction popped up and I tended to it. My start menu is full of distractions. My mind is full of distractions. But I am still here, I am still writing, however stifled and stilted and nonsensical that it may be. That is all okay.

What then do I want to write about and be involved in? What then do I want to focus my time on? What, ultimately, do I want to do and be?

I have told myself for years that I want to be a writer, and yet I don't post anything with any regularity. True, I do write nearly every day, but not anything that I share.

And so I am going to share this, warts and all, and allow it to be, out there in the ether.

So, in the idea of letting something out there into the world, warts and all, what am I learning? I am learning that perfection is not the goal. Action is the goal: taking repeated focused action.

There is so much to write about, I can barely begin. Barely. But then I do, then I do begin, and I get started, get started on what I am trying to write about, get started on writing about something wonderful and useless and over.

I have a dream that I am a writer, full time, and that all I have to do is put the words in order as they come out of my mind, but my mind doesn't let the thoughts come in order, and it is all jumbled and all makes little sense.

That isn't a dream at all, it is reality.

"All the stars shine like gold up in the sky."
                 - Matt Campbell of The Deep Vibration

And in the reality, the words don't come as easily as I might hope, and I have to fight each one out of me, and when it gets out, it's not as clear and concise and perfect, as I had imagined. But that doesn't stop me. Why doesn't it stop me? Why doesn't failure stop somebody? Because we are not failures, we are successes. We are successes masquerading as failures, tricking all of those around us, and it is just a matter of time until the mask comes off.

Just a matter of time.

And luck.

And energy.

But mostly time.

Time is mostly what there is and mostly what is going to take us all away and over the fence and beyond.

Time.

Time is the slayer of all.

It has slayed me already, I am half the man I used to be, and at the same time, double the man I once was. It is just a matter of perspective.

And since it is just a matter of perspective, one of the most effective things that I can do is look at life through another person's eyes. Try to see what it is that they see when they see life, what they see when they see life and living.

"Put your ear to the floor, and you can hear it sing."
                     - Matt Campbell of the Deep Vibration

And now I am writing again, and now I am moving forward, I am keep on keeping on.

There is always so much to write and yet I never get to the end. But I must get to the end. I must find the end of the tale, and tell it.

Everything has a beginning, a middle, and an end. All creation. All evolution. Aw shit, the old creation/evolution battle again. I can't stand it. I won't go there.

Now there is a time for everything, and it is now time for me to reflect on where I have been and gone and what I have seen in my first thirty five years of life on this planet.

So much, so very, very much.

But no time to record that now, that is for later. For now, I will just while away the hours and the days and weeks and the months and the years and let the time just slip and slip.

But at the same time I want to grasp it and hold onto it and not let any minute just go by. But they all just do. They all just pass, and there is nothing I can do about it but enjoy each moment as it comes and say goodbye to it as it goes.

Now is again a chance to say something, but I have nothing to say.

So let me leave you with this, if you have stuck with me over hill and dale so far during this post:

Just be yourself.

Life is too short to be anything else.

Get out there and be yourself.

Peace.

Waterfall

"And then when we get down there,

Way down to the very bottom of everything

And then we'll see it

Oh we'll see, oh we'll see it, we'll see it-

Oh my morning's coming back

The whole world's waking up

All the city buses swimming past

I'm happy just because

I've found out I am really no one"

- Bright Eyes

Annual Renewal Notice

Another blank page, another story to tell. What am I going to talk about today? I could talk about the book I am reading, Art and Fear by David Bayles and Ted Orland. Or I could talk about the Beatles song I am listening to, Because, from Abbey Road. Or I could talk about nothing at all.

What is important in this exercise is that I write at all. I created a blog a long time ago, with the idea that I would add all my creations to it, so that I would have a rolling container for all the creative endeavors I try to accomplish in my life. Well, somewhere along the way I became self-conscious of what I was trying to get done, and that has stymied my ability to create. I need to just forge ahead with what I am doing and let it go. 

I can release all expectations of what will come out of writing daily, or even writing music and creating art. It doesn't quite matter what the outcome is at this point. Maybe the outcome never will matter. What does matter is that I get down to the page and write, or put pen to paper and draw, or put my fingers on the frets and play. What happens after that is of little consequence. 

The more I am able to create the better. But at the same time, there is no required output or prolific level I need to attain. One thing I would like to do is write seven hundred fifty words per day on this blog. I think that is something I could accomplish. It may not be easy, but I could definitely do it. It would involve being ready to write as soon as I get up in the morning, and being willing to stay up later in the evening if I don't get it done first thing in the morning. 

But really, seven hundred fifty words is only about a half hour to forty-five minutes worth of my time, every day. I don't think that is nearly too much time to devote to my "craft."

After all, what am I really trying to accomplish here? I am trying to trace the arc of progress of a creative individual from the beginning to the end. It won't take too much time, it will only take the three D's: Diligence, Discipline and Determination.

If I can keep showing up, I can keep producing. I only need to get here (to the page) and I will be able to make something happen, or the universe or God will make something happen through me. That is the way it works. Show up and make something happen. 

I have been really enjoying this holiday break from work, being able to hang out and relax extensively with the family. It was great to get a new electric guitar to create and play with as well. It will be something I have for the rest of my life, and can pass down to my children should they ever become interested in playing the guitar. 

I find when I write, I am very self-conscious. I am very concerned about how what I write will be perceived by other people. I don't know why that is, but I am able to push past it, at least enough to keep writing. 

It is not really that I am concerned about how I am writing and that it may or may not make sense, but I am concerned with how my loved ones (who are the only ones I know of who read this) may interpret what I am writing. 

I guess a little proviso is in order then... It doesn't mean anything. Unless it does. 

That doesn't make much sense. 

That's okay.

Everything is okay.

Is it?

I think so.

What else do I want to do today? All sorts of things. I want to do all sorts of things today, but I think I will mainly relax and play. Those are good things to do, especially as the extended holiday break comes to an end. 

Now I am listening to What a Wonderful World as performed by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole. That was difficult to spell, but pleasant to listen to.

I still haven't really moved into the 2010's with my music yet. I still listen to my streaming library via Google Play Music. I don't subscribe to Spotify yet, though I have used it rather frequently lately. I still search YouTube for individual songs I want to listen to on demand. 

That's all for now. 

Reel Big Fish - Sell Out and Google Play Music I'm Feeling Lucky Playlists

So, I started listening to my music collection through Google Play Music, because I had uploaded all of my music to that collection company at some point a few years ago, and iTunes barely runs on my Windows XP computers anymore and all my music is on a networked hard drive instead of an actual computer, so it is a pain the a es es to redirect every song in my iTunes collection every time I want to hear something. Anyway, I listened to a few albums that I hadn't listened to in a long time and then started messing around with some of the auto-generated music playlists, or radio stations they have or whatever. Still nothing can beat Pandora for radio music that introduces you to new stuff you haven't heard before and that you like, but I was interested to hear what Google Play Music would come up with.

It turns out I am into funk rock ska reggae stuff. Sublime, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Reel Big Fish. When I heard Reel Big Fish, I couldn't help but think of this song below, which I jammed out to in my bedroom pretty often when I was a teenager. 

Back Roads (Original Song)

While you were growing up thought you’d always be a kid

Now you’re much taller than me

Thought you’d never leave but it looks like ya did

Now our home seems empty

All the back roads we used to wander

Are not there for you now

All the good times we used to squander

Are not there for me now

You’ve been away so long thought you’d never make it back

Here you are in front of me

Something more than mom is missing when we talk

I can’t place it can’t you see

All the back roads we used to wander

Are not there for you now

All the good times we used to squander

Are not there for me now

Life is a little bit different from a bed

You came to watch me sleep

Hold my hand …. Just.... hold my hand

Watch me slip into the deep

All the back roads we used to wander

Are not there for me now

All the good times we used to squander

Are not there for you now

All the back roads we used to wander

Are not there for me now

All the good times we used to squander

Are not there for you now

Press On (Original Song)

Press on through the rain

It’s cold outside

And we feel a little pain

But we’re doing just fine

Lead on through the night

Don’t forget why we came

Tear on through the day

Nothing’s ever the same

Press on

Press on

Press on

It’s not a competition

It’s a battle nonetheless

Between me and myself

I won’t take second best

I’ve lost the habit

Of creating on a whim

I’m getting it back now

Only now I can win

Press on

Press on

Press on

On a constant journey

A never ending quest

Of becoming myself

Of becoming the best

The best version of myself

“Stand upright and be strong”

Explain myself away

On the mornings that are long

Press on

Press on

Press on

Press on through the rain

It’s cold outside

And we feel a little pain

But we’re doing just fine

Lead on through the night

Don’t forget why we came

Tear on through the day

Nothing’s ever the same

Press on

Press on

Press on

Press on

Press on

Press on

They Still Make Bullies (Original Song)

Push push shove shove shove yeah

Gotta be gotta be gotta be gotta be better now

Yes I’m bigger and I’m stronger

Gotta show it show it yeah

I’m the king the king

I’m gonna make you hate me

If we’re gonna fight I don’t need a ring

I’m gonna make you hate me

They still make me yes I’m

Still around

All that’s happened hasn’t phased me

Yes they still make bullies

Yes they still make bullies

And I’m one

What’s the year what’s the time

I thought we left all that behind

No it’s in our hearts and bones and blood

Give me one that’s little that’s the one I’m gonna shove

Bigger better smarter faster stronger ha I win

I win I win I win I win I win I win I win yeah

You couldn’t beat me if you tried

Gonna be a bully till the day I die

They still make me yes I’m

Still around

All that’s happened hasn’t phased me

Yes they still make bullies

Yes they still make bullies

And I’m one

And I’m one

They still make me yes I’m

Still around

All that’s happened hasn’t phased me

Yes they still make bullies

Yes they still make bullies

And I’m one

And I’m one