Weight Loss, Reading, Writing and Exercise

I have been overweight for 18 years. Half of my life.

And it basically is because I stopped taking care of myself, stopped exercising, started eating copious amounts of unhealthy foods.

And now I am paying for it.

I have complex sleep apnea and high cholesterol, and I am tired all the time and aside from the normal feeling of not being proud of my body, the fact that I am overweight coupled with the sleep apnea is affecting my mood.

And that's not good.

Because I also have bipolar disorder. It's well controlled, and that is fine and good that it is being taken care of through medication and therapy, but now my weight is affecting my mood and could tip me toward depression or mania? Not good.

So, I am going to do something about it.

Before I found out that I have complex sleep apnea (I found that out today, by the way), I had already started Weight Watchers with my wife a couple of weeks ago.

But I wasn't taking it all that seriously, though I was trying to stick to the points.

Well, now I am going to take it more seriously.

Central/Complex sleep apnea may not be fixed through a breathing machine. Losing a drastic amount of weight, whether or not it is done quickly or over time, may be my best bet to get out from under this mood altering weight issue.

And exercise. That too is important. Something I am not really looking forward to, but also something that I know that I have to do. I have exercised in short bursts for a while in the past, but it has been another 18 years since I exercised intensely on the reg.

So what am I going to do?

1. I am going to eat copious amounts of vegetables and fruits while my stomach readjusts to being a normal size.
2. I am going to stay within my points on Weight Watchers, and not use up any weekly points.
3. I am going to exercise by walking or running at least 15,000 steps per day.
4. I am going to keep this journal, this log, this running commentary of what life is like on a diet, through weight loss, and how my health is actually doing.

A healthy blog.

And for the first time ever, I am not going to try to make any money from it.

I am just going to write, and put the writing out there, and let it go.

A gift. From me to you.

The Gift by Lewis Hyde - A book I just started, and will be reading at some point.

But I am not into reading right now.

Why am I not into reading?

Because I have discovered that I need to focus on one thing at a time in order to make any progress on anything. And that one thing that I am going to focus on right now, is weight loss.

I am a little against what I am actually doing right now, this writing while laying on my belly in the living room. I am against it because it is not exercising. But it is avoiding eating. That is almost as well as exercising.

I suppose that avoiding eating is as important as exercising. Both will do the same thing, which is result in reduced weight on the body.

I am not talking about avoiding eating to the point of anorexia, just avoiding stuffing my face when I am bored or stressed.

This writing will keep me interested in something other than eating. And so I will do it, and allow it to be done.

And I guess that is all I wanted to express at this time, just wanted to write something. Consider it done.

What I Want This Blog To Be About

Making a statement like the above title of this blog post makes it seem as if I have any idea of what I am trying to do here.

One thing that I know I want to do and enjoy doing is publishing something new to the web on occasion. I would definitely like that occasion to be more often than it is right now though.

In addition, I want this webspace to be a repository for all my creative endeavors, one place to place all the creations over the course of a lifetime.

Before now I had basically been writing random thoughts and expressions of ideas here, and little of it made that great of sense.

Now I am going to use this space more as an online journal.

I am going to be writing at first about losing weight and diets and exercise.

That is where I am going to start, but in the end, I will end up doing the same thing I have always done: sharing little nuggets from my life and brain.

So, without further ado, let's get started!

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Personal growth is what this blog is mostly about.

Personal, spiritual, physical, emotional, etc. growth.

Take Stock

Figure it all out. Literally. FIGURE it all out.

Arithmetic.

That's all it is.

Add and subtract, multiply and divide.

Discover where you are at.

Take stock.

Understand where you are now.

Fully embrace the present moment and state and status.

Now is the time to take action. Later will never come. Before is gone.

The time is now.

Sum up where you are, how you are living, and what you are experiencing in life day to day.

Overcoming Fear: The Only Way Out Is Through

How do you overcome that which you are afraid of?

How do you get past the fear of doing something or not doing something?

What does it matter what we are doing here or there?

What is the meaning of life?

So many questions.

So few answers.

"If I plug away at the same thing, everyday, all day, then eventually I will get somewhere."

Where do I want to get to?

I want to get to the point where this is self-sustaining.

I want to get to the point where I have nothing to do but to write and write away.

1. Blog.

2. Exercise.

3. Eat healthy.

4. Write.

5. Share.

Overcome the fear of lacking anonymity.

Overcome the fear of being seen as this or that.

Overcome the fear of anything and everything.

The only way to overcome fear is to just do that which you are afraid to do, or face and stand straight in front of that which you are afraid to face.

That is the only way out... through.

Start where you are. Bring yourself to the point where you can get through this present moment, then make your present moment temporarily painful, then realize that you will get through this as well.

Everything passes away with enough time, including each of us... More on that later.

But for now, let's just worry about overcoming the fear that we each may have.

Yours Truly

What Is Real?