No one wants it, but it's what I've got. And so I will give it.

Summary:

In which I learn the meaning and purpose of writing, and appreciate its role in my daily life.

Reflection:

As stated yesterday, yesterday was a day. And in that day, I made some headway. Going to snap pictures of the paper journal now. I put them at the bottom of this post.

Entry:

This morning I am going to write  a little bit. I always look back at my past and try to "get back to it". I can't go back, and to forge a better future, I need to focus on the future desires and what I can do in the present to bring that future state about.

So, I will write, and toward insight and clarity, every day.

As I go along, I will try to learn how to improve my writing, through any number of techniques and books/information.

It may be difficult work, but it should be enjoyable, not drudgery. This is my desire.

Chained to a desk, but by personal choice this time... what would I want to say? What would I want to have said?

When it comes to work, I know what it is. I do. And I don't like it. But I want to do it for the sake of writing. What is that sake? - What does it mean?

Well, for starters, it means an audience. Someone might read this. That makes the approach slightly different than if I knew no one was going to read it. But these are the things:

1. an audience.

And in an audience there is a person, a single person for which I would choose to write. 

Let me focus on that single person... what is their makeup? Who are they? What do they want, need, love, cherish, hate?

Wild and crazy.

My mind goes off in tangents, and I lose the line of the words. I will try to keep the line instead. I will try to keep the line.

There is much to do and see and be... these are the things - stick with them... over and over... and over.

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Reflection:

Today. was a day. and that's about all... found some clarity - searched and found some... that's for sure. Gotta get up and find the journal pages and take some pictures of them. But the main thing, the main take away is that I am going to write. I am a writer, so I am going to write. I was distracted by music, art, day job... but really, I am going to write.

Entry:

All of what happens and all of what matters comes over and through all of this... these are the things. Gotta get out... gotta get out get out get out. These things.

And now, and here, and there, these are the things. I don't want to ... I don't... and so I may or so I may not.

So much nonsense... and that is okay, that is what it is... what matters is that I write the words... that is what is important. That is what makes a difference... here there and everywhere.

////////////////

Now, here we are.

Insight:

1. Write.

Summary:

Became a writer again... no art, no music, just write... do that thing.

If there ever was a way, I'd find it.

Here.

As if I'd found a way.

In the midst of all of it.

Here and hiding in the middle of the street. I can't be found.

There I was and I am no longer in the midst of it, I can no longer be seen.

Come and find me.

Where were you going when you walked away, out through the door, away through the field into the night?

I didn't know then and I don't know now.

But it happened.

So much happens.

Over and over again, the same and different things, all crashing in, one upon another.

And the differences are such that there is always enough to be a part of it.

I didn't know what to make of any of it, and so I just continued to do what needed to be done. 

And that was all.

I'm going for it here. And why not? Why shouldn't I?

You know I will, and I will live forever doing it.

There may be places that this makes sense, and there may be places that this doesn't make sense.

I'll live in both places. Thanks.

Less is more.

Less is more.

Father and Daughter

C   F F   |   C    F F  (x2)

C

You can stay quiet if you want to

Em

I’m not going to pry

Am

Everyone has a right to silence

G

No one even needs to know why

But I just wanted to tell you

If you’re afraid you don’t need to be

‘Cause every little thing is gonna be alright

Even if it doesn’t seem to be

CHORUS

          F

Keep your eyes open darling

     C

Look to the sky tonight

     Am

With timing, a long view and an end game

F                           C    F F  |  C    F F (x2)

Everything….. is gonna be alright

C

You’ve had a hard go baby

Em

No one even knows how tough

      Am

‘Cept you and God and that’s enough honey

G

No one should have it that rough

Keep smiling when you can ‘cause it’s pretty

I’ll keep my pen in my hand as I write

Tell all the demons to shut the fuck up

As you get your head right tonight

Take the Long Way Around by Dave Brey

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Reflection:

Yesterday was new year's eve, 2023... now it is 2024. I don't know what to write more about yesterday, I have been trying to create some new neural pathways, concerning: reading, writing, exercising, eating well, housework, work work... these things are the things.... the things.

These are the things, all of them... all of what matters... all of what matters, these things.

Now what?

Entry:

I don't really know what to write here, and I am remembering that that is the way things were back when I was writing daily entries in 2018, the best year of my adult life... it was good, but was it great? Ack, don't look back with negativity. Look forward with positivity!

All of this, all of these things.

Now what?

Well, I am making a schedule, and making a schedule and a schedule... but again, the schedule doesn't really work for me: a prioritized list is best... is best... is best.

These are the things.

I have lists and lists upon lists of things to do.... I need a task list for home, and I already have a habits list for home and work, so now I just need a task list for home... what app could I use for that?

Ack, just use Google Tasks, that is sufficient. That is sufficient... all these things.

Now, what if anything at all... if anything at all.. if anything at alll... these things.

These things.

Now what will I think and do?

What will I think and do, here and now?

What?

I don't know... I just need a home prioritized list. Let's do that.

I know what I have to do: the checklist, the prioritized checklist, do those things do all of those things... do all of them... here and now, do them all... do them all.. so be it... so be it.

So be it. That's enough for today, the dog is annoying and barking.

Conclusion:

I must do what I must do.

Gratitude:

I am grateful for the time I am given.

Affirmations:

I can do this... I can do this.

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Reflection:

yesterday was my birthday, it was acceptable. I have decided a couple of things that I will get to later in this entry. I ate food from a diner and a barbeque place... both were good. Time to get back in the habit of making food at home.

Entry:

These things. What matters today, and what matters at all?

I need to write. I need to write and I need to read.

These are two things I can do that are passive and passive... and that is the thing of the thing.... get and stay busy.

Write a lot.

Read a lot.

Other things I need to do:

1. Walk 20,000 steps, 2. Sweat hard 20 minutes 3. Whole30 4. Read 5. Write.... but what about money?

What about money?

What can and should I do about money, eh?

What?

Keep it separate, for now... keep it separate... for now... keep it separate... these things that I want and need to do and share... all of them. All of these things. Do them each and all and all and each.

Now, what matters? What makes a difference?

How do I do it?