These things you try to understand:

Reflection:

I don't know where my morning went. Oh yeah, I wrote a bunch and didn't do much else... read, walk the dog, eat breakfast... that's about it... and I woke up at 4am.

Entry:

I am again writing in here, and I don't really know why or why. But I have to do it, and so I am. I tried to do chores, and I did get a few things done but then I was overcome by resistance and I stopped. Is it resistance to what I have to do? Is it resistance to obligations?

Live at work. Work at home.

Yeah, these things.

Little research into Leisure Sickness... an actual thing.

Right, so now.... now what?

I only really have to walk the dog morning, noon, afternoon, night... 4 walks a day is sufficient...and that will be okay... that will be okay... So now what?

What will I do with myself and my time?

I am finished making myself do shit. I am only going to do those things that I want to do... but I'll never live if I do only those things I want to do... so how do I... turn what I don't want to do into something I do want to do? How do I?

Time for some paper journaling.. paper journaling... these things... these things indeed.

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Reflection:

Yesterday was ok. Didn't really do much productive, and I don't know that I will do anything productive today either. But it is possible for me to try, to certainly try to do those things that are useful and worthwhile. Yesterday, again - didn't do much helpful or useful. Now, what will I do today?

Entry:

Today's entry then will begin by talking about all sorts of things... what I mean is, it is hard for me to focus on what I am trying to say.

There is so much nonsense within me, and I have to figure out how to get it all out of me. For whatever reason, I think posting this to the internet for other people to maybe never but maybe once stumble upon is a legitimate thing for me to do and be. and all of this.

These things come and these things go, what would it matter if any of it made any difference? For nothing does. But this is not true... I am tired, oh so tired, of fighting with myself. Better and more likely, and more betterer is it to ... 

Bend like the reed. Do what needs to be done with willingness and flexibility. Not even willingness is required, acceptance. These are the things I need to do and I accept them wholeheartedly.

I can make a few ideas come to life here:

1. what matters and what makes a difference - common questions I ask with no answers given.

My 3 Goals

My 3 goals are below:

1. Be Healthy
2. Be Constantly Learning and Creating
3. Be Wealthy

My 7 Actions

My 7 Actions are below:

1. Love
2. Exercise
3. Eat Right
4. Learn
5. Create
6. Save
7. Earn

Passion and the Pursuit of Meaning

What are you passionate about?

What means the most to you?

What makes you happy?

What drives you to search more and harder and longer for an answer to your question?

What is the meaning behind it all?

Is there some main theme that we can all be a part of?

Is there some main thought framework that weaves itself into the fabric of our lives, that we can then hang on?

If we run out of logic, will life still go on?

What is the most important thing?

How do we set our priorities?

More questions than answers.

In Man's Search for Meaning, Victor Frankl shows that while meaning might change, man's search for it remains the same.

Now I must work at doing something worthwhile.

I must search for meaning.

I must work toward our shared meaning and worthwhile work.