Just Something Else

Yesterday I left off talking about a reason for being here. I asked if you had found your reason yet.

If not, find it. It makes the stay so much better.

But that's not really the way it goes. We spend so much time searching for meaning, filling our lives with answers to questions we think we should have asked, wondering what our purpose could be, what reason we are here and how we can make a difference.

Do something different. Define your reason. Make it up. Ask yourself what you want your reason to be, and then live into that. What an adventure that would be. You might get it so wrong and have to back track a lot. You might just get it right. You might find out something new about yourself, about others, about how the world works and doesn't work.

Try How to Kick to help define yourself.

How can we make a difference? There are lots of ways. Be yourself. Let your light shine. Don't wait until your lantern is spotless and polished and ready for presentation, just shine baby! Let it all out.

What is the worst that can happen? In any situation what is the absolute worst that can happen? It can't be that bad. Just be yourself, scars and all.

No one else can be you for you.

I'm gonna be me for me.

I'm learning that it is not just as easy as saying that, but it is getting easier.

Just Something

I just had to write something, had to share something no matter how small, how useless, irrelevant or what all else.

We all matter. We all make a difference. Sometimes we might not feel that way, but we still do no matter what, we still make an impact, we have an effect, we make waves, we ripple out, we inspire growth and change.

Grow like a vine, spin like a top and allow your light to shine. Let yourself grow. It is not a fits and starts kind of thing, it is always happening, we can just recognize and allow it. We can feel the growth taking place within us, around us, through us.

Life experiences add up to something. That something influences our thoughts. Our thoughts dictate our emotions. Our emotions dictate our actions. It all begins with a thought, sometimes a single thought in a flood of conscious thinking.

I am not interested in thoughts anymore.

I am interested in being.

But life continues in the land of thought, and so I will continue there as well, but I will do so with a look toward the awareness that I am, understanding that I am more than just my thinking, just my conditioned responses to what life throws at me. I am more than the collection of my thoughts and emotions. In fact, those things do not nearly describe a fractional percentage of who I am, or who you are.

We are all here for a reason. Do you know your reason yet?

If not, find it. It makes the stay so much better. That doesn't mean easier, just better.

Satchel

It was a grey crisp morning as Satchel headed out to his pickup truck. He opened the red door and pulled himself across the vinyl. He placed the key in the ignition and just as he turned the engine over, he saw the envelope.

It was white and thick and resting in front of his speedometer with a scrawled letter S on the front. Satchel picked it up and hefted the envelope in his hand. It was heavy. He tore one corner open and slid his thumb down the seam. He peeked inside and saw a thick wad of one hundred dollar bills and a single sheet of folded white paper.

Satchel pulled out the white sheet of paper and placed the money in his lap.

“Dear Satch,

You know better than I do that I’m no good for the construction trade. I’m moving to Florida in a few weeks and I’ll be taking the company name with me, but not the trade. Don’t look me up until after things settle down. You’re in charge now. Here’s some money for you to start your own corporation, get some equipment you may need and to try to pay you for some of the help you’ve given me over the years.

Thank you,

Chuck”

Satchel put the letter back into the envelope, placed the envelope on the passenger seat and put the truck in gear. He pulled out of the parking lot and headed south. He knew where his first stop would be. He didn’t think much as he drove, just hummed a small tune under his breath, like he always did. He pulled into a large apartment complex. There was an ambulance and two police cars in front of one of the apartment entrances.

Satchel parked his truck and grabbed the envelope and headed into the apartment. He could hear screaming and tussling as the police brought someone unwillingly down the hallway toward the ambulance. Satchel avoided the scene and made for the stairs. He climbed up seven flights and opened the door to the hallway. He went to apartment 707 and knocked hard on the door.

A few moments later the lock moved lazily in the frame and the door opened. Down low a little head peered out between the space allowed by the chain.

“Daddy!”

“Hi honey, can you go get mommy?”

“Okay.”

Satchel opened the envelope, peeled one hundred dollar bill off the stack and stuffed it with the letter into his pocket. He looked up to see his wife’s face, tired but smiling, between the door and the door jamb. Sarah closed the door and opened it all the way for him to come in.

Satchel held the envelope out in front of him.

“I know this doesn’t change anything yet, but this is for you and the kids. Spend it the best you can. Thanks for everything you are doing.”

Sarah took the money and wrapped Satchel in a big hug.

“Gratitude is more important than money,” she said. “Thank you. Call me tonight.”

“Alright. Bye now.”

“Good bye.”

Satchel took the elevator down to the lobby and returned to his truck. He started the engine and then sat there for a moment, staring through the windshield. He called Chris and Charlie and told them he wouldn’t be in. He looked in his rear view mirror at a tree just starting to bud in the spring air. He put the truck in gear and drove north again.

Satchel pulled into the diner, shut off the engine and hopped out of the truck. The bell rang as he opened the door to the diner. He grabbed a seat at the counter and the waitress brought coffee over with a menu.

“Decaf, please,” said Satchel as he looked over the menu. “And can I please have three eggs over easy and a side of sausage?”

“No problem, darling” said the waitress. Satchel handed her the menu.

“Thank you,” said the waitress.

“Thank you,” said Satchel.

Nostalgia and Daydreaming

I saw pictures of my daughter at birth, age three, and age 5 last night. She is now six, and it made me nostalgic.

Enjoy every moment of life, without wanting to cling to or escape from any. It will all be over in the blink of an eye. Here I am at 33, never thinking I would grow up, and now I have children thinking they will never grow up. It never ends, this cycle of human experience. It is so beautiful, enjoy it all.